69Rman

How do these people survive?

ONE





Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable, but sadly true...)

TWO






I was checking out at the local Zellers with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left..
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(Keep shuddering!!)






FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! Should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!








FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'


Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

Olds64

Wow!

Those are some DUMB people.

Here is a true story. I was at the book store the other day and I asked an associate to look in their computer for books on "cigars." The associate logged onto the computer and asked me how "cigar" is spelled!

71rocket

s-e-e-g-a-r..........really, how stupid can some people be?

70 cutlass s

I believe it's a sign of the times. I tell you what I think is funny. You go anywhere and pay with cash. If the person working the cash draw is under 25 they don't know how to count change. A young person said to me it says 9.37 how much is that. I told them and they believed me good thing I was honest. I could have ripped that store off so easy.

71rocket

There's a reason the register keys have pictures.

The idiots are winning.

69Rman

Man, it's scary, but I think it's true.

Duane

cutlassgal

What funny stories!!! It is sad that some people really are just dumb. Clueless.

One of my favorite sayings the Texan I work with has, is "People are just STUCK ON STUPID"!!!!

Bluevista

He's working in Cleveland in the winter.

I know a guy that never checked his directional reservoir before winter storage and then couldn't figure out what was wrong when they wouldn't work in the spring, the be-backs were out too.

OLD SKL 69

Those are some great stories, I guess depending on how you look at it. Pretty bad that some people are actually that dumb.

My favorite idiot drivers are the ones who put their right turn signal on and then move into the left lane.

citcapp

This thread could easly take over the whole forum. The list goes on and on.

Bill at the drug store today was $11.27, I had a pocket full of change and a bunch of one dollar bills and a 20 so I gave the clerk the 20 + a dollar bill plus the 27 cents in change and told her I want to get rid of some change and just get a 10 back. She just stared at me with a blank look, had to explain it to her while the line backed up. Go figure.

Blk71SX

they are also reproducing at an alarming rate


`

wolfman98

It started with calculators and moved to computers , even your cell phone can do math , too bad kids can't anymore

64Rocket

The one I like is when you are sitting in the left turn lane and waiting for the arrow. You have been there for a whole minute and you can only make a left turn, and as soon as the arrow comes on they put there left turn signal on. Go figure.

The other one is what I call the left lane syndrome. They enter the freeway at 40 miles per hour, while you are doing 65 miles per hour. They stay at 40 until they can get to the left lane then they speed up. What ever.

Gene

rocketraider

I sincerely hope some of these folks get some common sense for Christmas. I'm not betting the farm on it though.

Came back in from the country tonight. To park in front of the house, I have to make a 3-point turn at the next street down- a tee intersection. That or drive a mile out of the way to come in on the side street...

So I pull in there, put truck in reverse and start backing up. This fool in a Cadillac (sporting big rims, go figure) rolls up to make the turn into the side street and suddenly realizes there's a truck in the street with backup lights on- pretty good hint someone wants to back out, right?

Fool just sat there blocking me to where I could not back up and turn around. No other traffic from any direction, but he would not move and let me complete my turn.

So, the Grinch in me came out. I pulled forward and proceeded to turn around IN the side street. We're talking a longbed F150, so it took a little "finagling" and time to get turned around. Then I straddled the middle of the street coming out and threw the high beams in his face.

Probably a rotten thing to do on Christmas Eve, but anyone who doesn't have sense enough to realize that backup lights mean someone wants to back up, deserves what they get.

convertible 63

Claudia is the number one specialist in rust protection at our Classic Cars Regulars`Table She had just finished to treat our 78 Ford Escort with Fertan rust converter in a friends work shop when Marco called her.
Marco bought a 55 Caddy and doesn`t know anything about cars.His car was in the same shop for an engine swop.Because he was not really helpfull to our friend,he grindet the oil pan,the air filter housing and some other stuff down.Took him one long day.Marco asked Claudia if he could use some Fertan.No problem!
To make the rust converter work well it`s nessary to damp it time by time after coating the rusty sheets.Claudia left an aerosol can filled with water on the Escort bonnet.Fertan is dark brown,it`s bottle as well.A big sticker says FERTAN.
Well,Marco used the water to protect his down grinded metal from rust
Two days after he phoned Claudia to ask why all the metal became rusty again......

71rocket

Claudia should tell him to shake the bottle before he uses it the next time.


just kidding

cutlassjoe

Along those lines, I love the drivers who get in the left lane and go a mile or two under the speed limit...and they don't move over.

Lady72nRob71

People say Dallas drivers are bad on ice, but WHO are they? Apparently the thin crews themselves that have to go out and put down sand and clean up the wrecks...
Here is a quote from the local news. (The high five is one of the areas largest and highest interchanges, 5 decks tall (highest 137') and intersecting two of our busiest, worst freeways...)

"Dallas district spokeswoman Michelle Releford said the Department of Public Safety closed "all four corners of the High Five interchange" after surfaces turned icy and motorists appeared unwilling to slow down.
"They were driving like crazy, and DPS didn't want any more wrecks," she said."

Why can't these morons just slow down on ice? Geez... This is why i will not drive on it myself...

If you liked the chicken nugget ordeal listed first here, try ordering a sausage mcmuffin with no meat for your veggie-only friend... You would be amazed at what you get, also something different each time you order. One time we got egg and meat with no bun or cheese!

Oldsguy

So, is that why I got what I got instead of a cigar book???

Oldsguy

I bet I can still do math with my slide rule. I just found it in a drawer the other day, it has been thirty years since I have used it.

Allan R

Reprinted without permission of course......

Killer Chili - From the Jamesbo Recipe Book!


I went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of Jamesbo's patented 'you're definitely going to s#*t yourself' roadkill chili.

Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off..

I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, sh*# gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally?

Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing.. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my *** is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

Once finished, I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager.. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

starfire_62

funny stuff

Oldsguy

I laughed so hard my eyes watered.

cutlassgal

I got that one in an e-mail at work before Christmas!!! I sat here and laughed so hard I was crying!!!! I'd read... have to wipe the nose and eyes... read some more... cry some more! Then I showed it to Nicole when I got home, and we both laughed and cried some more!! That was a great one!!!

wolfman98

See that right there is part of our global warming problem , forget all the cattle giving off too much methane just imagine the harm that the gas given off by all those who make and eat jamesbo's killer chilli are doing.
better watch out jamesbo , I think you may be on somebody's watch list

Jamesbo

Just what we need a Joe McCarthy of Global Warming.

mike's88

OMFG, that just brightened up my whole night, thank you! I remember when I asked a clerk for change for a twenty,(thought I'd mess with her)saying,"Can I get 2 tens and a five for this, please?" Well, sure enough, I got it. Needless to say, I did give her back the 5.

yzzerdd

Heh, two 10s and a 5.

Almost as bad as "I'll give you four $20's for that hundred dollar bill."
It plays on the fact that 4 quarters equals a dollar, and some people will actually fall for it, if they are bad at math.

Of course, I'd just laugh as they try to give me a $100 for $80 worth twentys.

--Ryan

wolfman98

Maybe you could patent it and figure out a way to capture those gases you just might get rich in the process.
I can see it now jamesbo , a big sign that says FREE CHILLI , just come back in a few hours and sit on my specially designed toilet that will suck out all them gasses

cutlassgal

That's funny right there!!! And who knows... it may work! LOL!!!