HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK
Thread Starter
Cutlass Lover
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,587
From: Twinsburg, Ohio
HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK
A little something to get our week started off on a funny note! I don't think it falls in to the no religion catagory! 
HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK -
When a co-worker comes in a little too happy, singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the sh** out of her"
You need to pray at work.
When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes" and you think, "what the f*** do they want now?"
You need to pray at work.
When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say "which one of you sons of bitches turned off my computer?"
You need to pray at work.
When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office..." and you want to throw a stapler at him..
You need to pray at work.
When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is "what the hell does this bit** want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk...
You need to pray at work.
When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in to your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a$$"...
You need to pray at work.
When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for 5 minutes waiting for the darn thing, only to go DOWN one floor, and you think to yourself "that lazy bastard"...
You need to pray at work.
When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it, and you think "sorry a$$ M#$%F%&#$"...
You need to pray at work.
If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping, or flattening someone's tires that you work with....
You need to pray at work.
If you avoid saying more than "hello" or "how you doing" to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story...
You need to pray at work.
Now kneel and bow your head!
HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK -When a co-worker comes in a little too happy, singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the sh** out of her"
You need to pray at work.
When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes" and you think, "what the f*** do they want now?"
You need to pray at work.
When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say "which one of you sons of bitches turned off my computer?"
You need to pray at work.
When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office..." and you want to throw a stapler at him..
You need to pray at work.
When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is "what the hell does this bit** want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk...
You need to pray at work.
When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in to your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a$$"...
You need to pray at work.
When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for 5 minutes waiting for the darn thing, only to go DOWN one floor, and you think to yourself "that lazy bastard"...
You need to pray at work.
When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it, and you think "sorry a$$ M#$%F%&#$"...
You need to pray at work.
If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping, or flattening someone's tires that you work with....
You need to pray at work.
If you avoid saying more than "hello" or "how you doing" to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story...
You need to pray at work.
Now kneel and bow your head!
Oldsdruid
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 10,628
From: Southside Vajenya
Add:
When someone uses the last scrap of toilet paper and is too trifling to go down the hall to the janitor closet for a new roll or two, and you think "useless-*** lazy m-f", you need to pray at work.
However, I will usually come back out of the head loudly announcing the prior occupant's illegitimate birth before I go and get a roll.
One of them actually had the nerve to say "my wife replaces the roll at home. I don't do it". Hey bubsy, you're what, 41 years old? You're a big boy, look after yourself.
When someone uses the last scrap of toilet paper and is too trifling to go down the hall to the janitor closet for a new roll or two, and you think "useless-*** lazy m-f", you need to pray at work.
However, I will usually come back out of the head loudly announcing the prior occupant's illegitimate birth before I go and get a roll.
One of them actually had the nerve to say "my wife replaces the roll at home. I don't do it". Hey bubsy, you're what, 41 years old? You're a big boy, look after yourself.
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 11,798
From: Plano, TX
After reading that, I may not have any more time for anything but praying... 
At my place, I noticed 5 years ago they announced a new 'no guns' in the workplace rule. WHAT was it before?? If you had a permit and it was in season???
Dang - I missed out!!
I worked at a company that forbade this convenient ability.
We had the "great toilet paper heist".
Too many of the low lifes were stealing rolls for home use, so what little existed was kept under lock and key. You had to request a roll from a manager and your ID recorded. In fact supply was so tight, you needed to bring your own from home, just in case!
Needless to say, when the sh*t hit the fan around there, NOONE was ready!
At my place, I noticed 5 years ago they announced a new 'no guns' in the workplace rule. WHAT was it before?? If you had a permit and it was in season???
Dang - I missed out!!We had the "great toilet paper heist".
Too many of the low lifes were stealing rolls for home use, so what little existed was kept under lock and key. You had to request a roll from a manager and your ID recorded. In fact supply was so tight, you needed to bring your own from home, just in case!
Needless to say, when the sh*t hit the fan around there, NOONE was ready!
Thread Starter
Cutlass Lover
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,587
From: Twinsburg, Ohio
Add:
When someone uses the last scrap of toilet paper and is too trifling to go down the hall to the janitor closet for a new roll or two, and you think "useless-*** lazy m-f", you need to pray at work.
However, I will usually come back out of the head loudly announcing the prior occupant's illegitimate birth before I go and get a roll.
One of them actually had the nerve to say "my wife replaces the roll at home. I don't do it". Hey bubsy, you're what, 41 years old? You're a big boy, look after yourself.
When someone uses the last scrap of toilet paper and is too trifling to go down the hall to the janitor closet for a new roll or two, and you think "useless-*** lazy m-f", you need to pray at work.
However, I will usually come back out of the head loudly announcing the prior occupant's illegitimate birth before I go and get a roll.
One of them actually had the nerve to say "my wife replaces the roll at home. I don't do it". Hey bubsy, you're what, 41 years old? You're a big boy, look after yourself.
I know what you mean!! I work with a guy that is like that... you can tell he was raised with all sisters - no brothers - and his wife evidently does everything at home! I love him to death, but he whines and moans and groans and complains.... One of these days I'm gonna tell him to MAN UP!!!!! PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT!!!The fellow I work with from Texas is always saying to me "didn't I tell you he complains more than a woman does?" LOL!
Thread Starter
Cutlass Lover
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,587
From: Twinsburg, Ohio
Thanks!! I love to laugh!! I had never seen this one before and when it came over the fax yesterday, I cracked up!! Life is too short not to laugh when ever you can!!!
Captain of my ship
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,880
From: Annapolis Valley , Nova Scotia
Well in my line of work praying would be a big help , like while around someone who is 20' over your head and thinks its a big joke to pee in a pepsi bottle then throw it your way you pray it doesn't splash when it hits the ground. After being hit in the head 3 times and on a couple of those occasions hearing snickering I realized I should have prayed. The spinal fusion in my neck should be coming up soon. We work in the great outdoors and "usually" have a roll of toilet paper in the truck , with any luck there are no houses too close and we can duck off into the woods and pray that we don't run into bears or any other wild beasts but mostly I pray I can be done before those nasty little buzzing beasts bite my bum
or any other wild beasts but mostly I pray I can be done before those nasty little buzzing beasts bite my bum
Oldsdruid
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 10,628
From: Southside Vajenya
I worked at a company that forbade this convenient ability.
We had the "great toilet paper heist".
Too many of the low lifes were stealing rolls for home use, so what little existed was kept under lock and key. You had to request a roll from a manager and your ID recorded. In fact supply was so tight, you needed to bring your own from home, just in case!
Needless to say, when the sh*t hit the fan around there, NOONE was ready!
We had the "great toilet paper heist".
Too many of the low lifes were stealing rolls for home use, so what little existed was kept under lock and key. You had to request a roll from a manager and your ID recorded. In fact supply was so tight, you needed to bring your own from home, just in case!
Needless to say, when the sh*t hit the fan around there, NOONE was ready!
no such thing as squeezin the Charmin...I haven't resorted to bringing my own from home yet, but I have learned to stash a roll in my desk drawer in case there is none in the closet!
I also learned long ago to keep a roll in every car
.
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 11,798
From: Plano, TX
And AVOID the environmental friendly "rapidly dissolving" toilet paper sold for campers. It usually dissolves before it finishes the job... 
Leaves are a poor substitute, due to the poison ivy thing...
Desperate indeed! Business TP is cousin to sandpaper... I guess that is supposed to be a theft deterant...
Leaves are a poor substitute, due to the poison ivy thing...
Desperate indeed! Business TP is cousin to sandpaper... I guess that is supposed to be a theft deterant...
Last edited by Lady72nRob71; Oct 27, 2009 at 11:40 AM.
Thread Starter
Cutlass Lover
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,587
From: Twinsburg, Ohio
Fun, isn't it? And look at what all we learned today!We know why some people have left previous jobs; why managers limit TP; who has spent a lot of time on their knees (LOL); who has had some sense "knocked" in to them; how to go potty safely in the woods; another fine use for mineral spirits; and what "not" to use as TP!!! But most of all, we had some laughs!!!
Captain of my ship
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,880
From: Annapolis Valley , Nova Scotia
A couple of years ago one of the younger fellas on our crew got into some poison oak while going in the woods , after that we got a refresher course on what these poison oak,ivy nettles etc look like. make sure about what your wiping with
make sure about what your wiping with
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 338
Well in my line of work praying would be a big help , like while around someone who is 20' over your head and thinks its a big joke to pee in a pepsi bottle then throw it your way you pray it doesn't splash when it hits the ground. After being hit in the head 3 times and on a couple of those occasions hearing snickering I realized I should have prayed. The spinal fusion in my neck should be coming up soon. We work in the great outdoors and "usually" have a roll of toilet paper in the truck , with any luck there are no houses too close and we can duck off into the woods and pray that we don't run into bears or any other wild beasts but mostly I pray I can be done before those nasty little buzzing beasts bite my bum
or any other wild beasts but mostly I pray I can be done before those nasty little buzzing beasts bite my bum@ CutlassGal: Great stuff you started!
Ralph
Thread Starter
Cutlass Lover
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,587
From: Twinsburg, Ohio
Captain of my ship
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,880
From: Annapolis Valley , Nova Scotia
Another nasty biting fly is the deer fly, horse fly and the king around these parts we call the moose fly cause if he gets a good bite of flesh you have to get out the medical kit and quickly stop the bleeding before you might require a transfusion
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 338
Seriously in the summer all those mosquitos hang out in the woods out of the hot sun. If you spent more than 10 minutes with your pants down below your knees you could be at serious risk of passing out from blood loss Another nasty biting fly is the deer fly, horse fly and the king around these parts we call the moose fly cause if he gets a good bite of flesh you have to get out the medical kit and quickly stop the bleeding before you might require a transfusion
Another nasty biting fly is the deer fly, horse fly and the king around these parts we call the moose fly cause if he gets a good bite of flesh you have to get out the medical kit and quickly stop the bleeding before you might require a transfusionLittle story: Few years ago, wife (German) & I went back for a visit & spent 1 day & 2 nights at the lake I'd spent that time summers when I was a kid. Anyway, she thought it was a good idea to go for a walk in the woods. I also had a "good idea" of what would happen, but, after telling her that if I yelled RUN!!! I meant it! Guess what happened! We got about 120 or so from the car, I saw the deer fly "scouts" & yelled RUN!!!!
We just barely made it to the car- 3 or 4 made it inside, but we managed to smack them before they bit.
During the course of the same vacation, we spent a night on the edge of the Black Hills. Smeared ourselves w/ Skin So Soft, but wife was wearing sandals & forgot her toes. She got bit so bad one abcessed & had to be lanced. Since then, she's allergic to ANY insect bite, even ones no one else notices!
Ralph
Last edited by German442; Oct 28, 2009 at 07:41 AM.
Thread Starter
Cutlass Lover
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,587
From: Twinsburg, Ohio
That's terrible! Fly bites are the worst - they really hurt! We have deer flies and them big ole horse flies around here! Sometimes regular house flies will bite before it rains - I don't know why, but I don't like it!!
Oldsdruid
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 10,628
From: Southside Vajenya
From TP to zuzu flies- another thread evolution!
Re: outhouses, going in the woods, corncobs etc...
At the 95 OCA National Meet, we completely overlooked getting a portajohn for the swap meet folks, who were a good quarter mile from the hotel
. We scrambled to get them one- getting the john itself was no problem, it was the damn city permits we had to get to set it up (thank god for influential C&VB people!).
Our chapter secretary, who has a very dry and droll sense of humor, quipped "we're still trying to put that outhouse thing behind us down here" when asked if we could get them one.
My daddy kept an outhouse down at the edge of the woods for years- said it was the only place he could go in peace without somebody hollering to use it. If they'd had plastic outhouses back then...
Re: outhouses, going in the woods, corncobs etc...
At the 95 OCA National Meet, we completely overlooked getting a portajohn for the swap meet folks, who were a good quarter mile from the hotel
. We scrambled to get them one- getting the john itself was no problem, it was the damn city permits we had to get to set it up (thank god for influential C&VB people!).Our chapter secretary, who has a very dry and droll sense of humor, quipped "we're still trying to put that outhouse thing behind us down here" when asked if we could get them one.
My daddy kept an outhouse down at the edge of the woods for years- said it was the only place he could go in peace without somebody hollering to use it. If they'd had plastic outhouses back then...
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 11,798
From: Plano, TX
I'd prefer an outhouse anytime over a log and rapidly dissolving TP...
In TX, there are two types of mosquitos... Ones that fly through the screen doors and ones that stop and use the handle.
Alice is a mosquito magnet. Just a walk from the car to the house and she has several bite that will swell up to the size of a quarter in no time. She keeps them off of me, though...
In TX, there are two types of mosquitos... Ones that fly through the screen doors and ones that stop and use the handle.
Alice is a mosquito magnet. Just a walk from the car to the house and she has several bite that will swell up to the size of a quarter in no time. She keeps them off of me, though...
Captain of my ship
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,880
From: Annapolis Valley , Nova Scotia
Yeah, know those (ALL of them!). Grew up in Minnesota, spend a lot of the summers in the north woods. The deer & moose flies are really nasty!
Little story: Few years ago, wife (German) & I went back for a visit & spent 1 day & 2 nights at the lake I'd spent that time summers when I was a kid. Anyway, she thought it was a good idea to go for a walk in the woods. I also had a "good idea" of what would happen, but, after telling her that if I yelled RUN!!! I meant it! Guess what happened! We got about 120 or so from the car, I saw the deer fly "scouts" & yelled RUN!!!!
We just barely made it to the car- 3 or 4 made it inside, but we managed to smack them before they bit.
During the course of the same vacation, we spent a night on the edge of the Black Hills. Smeared ourselves w/ Skin So Soft, but wife was wearing sandals & forgot her toes. She got bit so bad one abcessed & had to be lanced. Since then, she's allergic to ANY insect bite, even ones no one else notices!
Ralph
Little story: Few years ago, wife (German) & I went back for a visit & spent 1 day & 2 nights at the lake I'd spent that time summers when I was a kid. Anyway, she thought it was a good idea to go for a walk in the woods. I also had a "good idea" of what would happen, but, after telling her that if I yelled RUN!!! I meant it! Guess what happened! We got about 120 or so from the car, I saw the deer fly "scouts" & yelled RUN!!!!
We just barely made it to the car- 3 or 4 made it inside, but we managed to smack them before they bit.
During the course of the same vacation, we spent a night on the edge of the Black Hills. Smeared ourselves w/ Skin So Soft, but wife was wearing sandals & forgot her toes. She got bit so bad one abcessed & had to be lanced. Since then, she's allergic to ANY insect bite, even ones no one else notices!
Ralph
Registered User
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 9,127
From: Rathdrum, Idano
Boy I am glad in live in the good old northwest. No deer flys, no moose flys, very few of any thing that bites (other then my wife, but thats another story) I feel for you guys and another thing we have indoor plumbing where I live. I can send you pictures so you can see what a bathroom looks like if you want
Thread Starter
Cutlass Lover
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,587
From: Twinsburg, Ohio
Boy I am glad in live in the good old northwest. No deer flys, no moose flys, very few of any thing that bites (other then my wife, but thats another story) I feel for you guys and another thing we have indoor plumbing where I live. I can send you pictures so you can see what a bathroom looks like if you want
You crack me up!!!!! This did get wayyyyy off course!!! But it makes me laugh! From praying, to that thar new fangled indoor plumbing... oh my my my my! What will we think of next?
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 338
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2009
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