solly

When my girls were young and dad restored the 64 Belair they knew the rules DONT PLAY AROUND DADS CAR and they followed the rules, the trunk which was about the size of Rhode Island made the perfect pre*Christmas hiding place for their Christmas presents !!!
Well the girls are all moved out and the 64 is long gone but now that my wife is retired and has a little more time to snoop around I decided again to use the cavernous space provided by the Olds trunk !! she loves the car but never goes near it except for a occasional ride. so I'm sure I'm safe.
I started looking at that huge trunk and paltry amount of gifts and started to feel bad so I went to the 99 cent store , Dollar Tree and Dollar
General to see if could find a nice kitchen utensil to aid her in the kitchen !! and maybe a new package of vacuum cleaner bags !! I will let you know how it works out.

Guy Fillinger

If you lived where I live you could have gotten your wife a Snow Shovel.

Tedd Thompson

I once got one of my wife's a nice set of pot and pans. I was the only one that thought they were nice, seems they want something that stinks pretty rather than something to cook for me with.. They are harder to figure out than Oldsmobile's Tedd

Killian_Mörder

That's rare, to have a wife who also obeys rules set out for others.
Usually, when you forbid something from someone, it becomes more attractive. On the other hand, there are times when one doesen't want to know what you're stashing, be it a blow-up doll or a girlfriend in the trunk, dead or alive

edzolz

He lives in Arizona, you can't shovel heat.

redoldsman

Tedd I remember my father-in-law doing that early in my wife and my 54 year marriage. I remember her Mom's reaction and knew very early to never do that.

Greg Rogers

I have used the car in storage to hide Christmas gifts many years- works great!! Merry Christmas to you all!!!!

ignachuck

Solly, you are a brave man to buy kitchen utensils for Christmas for your wife. I remember a long time ago I offered to get our house professionally cleaned for my wife for her birthday. And that's how the fight started.......

Killian_Mörder

That would be the same like your wife sending a cleaning crew over to your garage. Women tend to be extremely territorial, regarding their homes. Anything outside of their domain doesen't seem to matter that much to them. That's why you don't hardly (if at all) see them riding mowers. That all stems from prehistory when men used to be the hunters & gatherers and women played a domestic role

Jamesbo

She asked me, "What's on TV

And I [stupidly said "Dust"]

Bfg

The dishes have been piling up in the sink for nearly two weeks now, I finally realized my wife left me! This was after I suggested that she could use a new ironing board for Christmas. Last year I bought her a new clothes dryer, 30 ft with the pins.

Killian_Mörder

You should have instead bought her a dish washer, so that when she leaves, the appliance ends up being a gift to yourself.
Whatever you guys do, don't ever buy housewives rolling pins or axes

solly

Over the years I have tried to have fun with my wife, she's a good sport, Its been kind of a tradition, I try to buy most of her silly gifts from the 99 cent store !! I like to make little combo packages, for example once for our anniversary I bought her a wiffle ball and bat, she complains about my flatulence so I bought a filtered painters mask and safety goggles (for the really bad days) I also bought her a swimming pool chlorine dispenser that looked like a penguin ( we don't have a pool ) I once bought her a squirt gun and shower cap, she has also received a ant farm,
but one of my favorites was the year she asked what I wanted for Christmas and I told her I didn't know, she told me to quit being a pain in her *** !! so I put a tube of Preparation H in her Christmas Stocking !!
Keep in mind these silly 99 cent store gifts are always followed up by a legit gift.
I do remember some words of wisdom from my mother about wives and Christmas gift giving, she told me never buy your wife a kitchen gift or home maintenance item UNLESS she specifically ask for it !! this was backed up by my father who apparently learned it the hard way !!

Killian_Mörder

That's what I meant with the rolling pin. It's like giving your revolver to an enemy, handing it over while grabbing the barrel. To a woman, maintenance items and kitchen utensils are meant to be used on the giver. These are typical mistakes of which early settlers made, as soon as they didn't limit trading furs for firewater. But, then started to trade furs for muskets Don't be surprised, when you find a package of one of the following wrapped up and set under your X-mas tree. In which case, she'll suggest blowing it up in the dining room.
A woman I once dwelled with once told me about how her mother complained about her dad flatuating during making Whoopee sessions and that she hated him for that. She also wondered as to why her mother was telling her that


There's also the possibility of looking for an appropriate home that would accomodate flatulent living:

Tedd Thompson

I lost a 1/2 mouth full of coffee over that, seems to be relevant at my house also....Tedd

briane

These are great stories. When I got engaged decades ago, the experienced guys at work offered friendly advice. These were engineers, all passed on now. Three recommendations I fondly remember:

#1. "For your anniversary, based on my experience, do not buy your wife anything that has an electrical cord attached."

#2. "For your wife's birthday, and don't ask how I know, do not buy her an outboard motor"

#3. "For Valentine's Day do not, and I repeat absolutely do not, buy your wife a thigh master"

Killian_Mörder

Husbands with malintent used to buy their wives lucrative life insurance policies, before buying them certain items of which had electrical cords attached to them intended for bathtub use, until authorities got wise to these schemes