PRICELESS!


A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Dad doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

 

That's great Jamesbo!!!!

 

great advice for a priest

 

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal pat down.

I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.

Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.

Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call her "honey" in times like these.

"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.

"Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

Yep, it's the golden years

 

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a tremendous bolt of lightning, followed by a massive clap of thunder, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."

 

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and body guard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment is to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."

 

The Dream Act

Enough Said

 

Good one!

 

OK I"ll bite! What's the dream act?
New government regulation on what your allowed to dream???

 

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: "Now, Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Seņora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.

The first is that I iron better than chew."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Jor huzban, he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than chew."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did."

Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than chew in dee bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth: "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Seņora... The gardener, he say so."

Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

 

Rotflmao

 

Now DATS funny! Didn't see it coming.....
X2 with Jamesbo