OK , this IS the last time I bring my personal life up here , but I have no one else mentally fit to talk to . Me and my wife don't really get along anymore , and I don't know what else to do . We finally have our financial situation figured out , so that's a load off of our minds and was probably half the problem . I thought everything was finally heading in the right direction ( meaning everyone is happy ) , but that was wrong for me to think that. Without getting into to much detail , and making this a long read , I'll try to just get to the point . Some of you that read my " In through the out door " post I made a few days ago realize what I was going through with my inner demons . With that aside now I'm trying to move forward in life and do the best I can , but it seems my wife is still up to her same old tricks as before . I made some big changes in my life to better myself for me and my family , so you would think she would also ? Well she DON'T do drugs or smoke cigarettes , but she does drink about once a week . No big deal , but whenever we get into an argument about something , she never wants to listen to my thoughts .... EVER . I mean we have been together for almost 20yrs , and that has never changed . I can't ever talk to her like an adult , because she stonewalls me . That makes me very angry , because I listened to her , and then I sometimes say things that I should not that I'm not proud of BTW ... why can't she at least hear me ? Me and my son both have ADHD which is usually accompanied by a defiant disorder , anxiety , anger issues etc...etc , so doing something repetitive that never works with someone is probably a bad idea ... right ? She had a bad childhood , because her mother is mentally ill . Her mom always yelled at her , and her dad , and called them names over basically nothing . I guess a neighbor came over one time when my wife was a child and pounded on their door to tell her mom what a horrible person she was for doing and saying the things that she does all the time . Anyways , my wife is nothing like her mom , but I can see certain things that are similiar . Don't get me wrong , my wife is the best mother for my kids I could of imagined aside from being a little naggy with the boy ( which BTW never worked with me )

With all this background stuff said , I'm finally going to spit it out . Like I said before ... when we argue , she never wants to listen . Then when shes done talking , she stonewalls me and doesn't want to hear my opinion . If I keep trying to make my opinion she will pretend she don't hear me , and act like shes talking with my kids all of a sudden everytime I open my mouth . Like shes trying to fuel the fire or something . She tells me her mom use to follow her around and go on and on about useless garbage , and she could never get away from her . I'm not her mom , and I don't want to be treated as such ! I feel that two adults should sit down and talk their differences through , but she has never EVER done that with me once in all these years ! The thing that bothers me the most is , she seems to put ALL the blame on my shoulders , and seems to think she does nothing wrong . I just can't seem to get through to her anymore if ever , and I don't want to get stuck paying this debt off by myself ! Some of this may seem trivial , but after hearing a broken record for 20 yrs , it's not so trivial anymore ! Opinions are welcome and I'm not going to argue with anyone

BTW , did I mention that I'm not perfect either ? I really don't want to file for divorce , but I may just be kicking a dead horse .

Sincerely Bryan

 

Also , there was a couple of times that she said she was going to take my kids and go to her moms to stay ........ Are you F'n kidding me ?

 

Sometimes we can't see the forest cause of the trees. Perhaps some time apart is what you both need, with some professional counseling. We get wrapped up in all the bad things pertaining to our marriage and actually forget or overlook the good.

What both of you need is to try and remember why you married in the first place. Then use that as a foundation and work together in trying to get back to feeling good about each other.

Be aware that even if you split up now, chances are sometime down the road, you may wind up back together again. So choose your words wisely and watch what you say to friends and relatives. Don't ask me how I know.

 

Very nice! Did you take psychology in college! or sounds more like school of hardknocks.
Pat

 

I learned this first hand. My wife and I went through this and divorced after 10 years of marriage. January, we will be together for 33 years.

 

i am crossing the line here but i can live with it.... God put you two together for a reason. i see no grounds for filing for divorce. Ya, time may be hard now but you need to seek counseling by a Christian counselor. Even if she won't go you could greatly benefit from it. You stated for better or worse and i am sure at the moment you feel like the worse has been more than the better. Talk to Jesus for guidance and he will show you a way. i will keep you in my prayers.

 

Thanks for the kind comments . X2 on what oldcutlass said . He always seems to say the right thing , and congratulations on working things out . I use to be church going when I was young and believe , my parents quit going when I was 14 and I have not been back since .

 

 

Don't want to be too negative but having been through the same thing 11 years ago your chances for success are slim. I'm not saying to give up and by all means try all forms of counseling if necessary, however you need two to tango and if one individual is doing the work and the other is merely following out of some sense of pity or guilt then slam the brakes and move on. You'll smell the rat very early on because women in general once they've turned sour on you there's very little chance they'll come back. Some of those very signs are already posted in your first entry above. Look at things objectively without trying to pull the cart against the current and you'll find your answer. I wanted my marriage to work so bad that I devalued myself and my own feelings....never again did I do that and because of that I found the perfect wife for me the second go around and there's no turning back. She respects me and I in turn do the same for her. Yes we argue from time to time but never in a malicious or uncaring manner...you know exactly what I mean. Here's a little hint that might serve you well and may just save your marriage in the long term. Women love a challenge and I don't mean being a jerk...I mean keep your emotions under check, choose your words carefully and always stand up for yourself if you truly believe in what you say. Yes sometimes you'll cave in to your wife's argument because the battle isn't worth it but shake it up once in a while by putting your views first above all else and watch your wife's reaction. Too extreme on one side as a sniveling spineless man is a complete turnoff as is the other extreme as an overbearing jerk. Stay the course as a solid individual and you'll be surprised at the results you get not only from yourself but from your wife. Remember, however sometimes in life things just aren't meant to be and there's no fighting bad chemistry!

 

hey buddy i went through a divorce also and you have to know what is correct and do what is right, sometimes your partner is a problem but stand your ground and move on but for your own sake make sure you are correct and remember that forever but logicaly minded also across the board. that way you can live with whatever your decision is.

 

Everyone has given you some valuable advice. Here's mine, for what it's worth ...

No one, and no thing, is perfect - yet we tend to pass over the good aspects of all things in life and dwell on the negatives. To make a classic car comparison: my '53 Olds isn't perfect and it never will be. It's 60 years old, it's made of stuff that deteriorates, it gets a little cranky on occasion ... and it won't last forever. So I appreciate it for what it is here and now, for what it means to me. There are other cars out there in better shape that shine in places mine doesn't ... but this one's mine and I'm going to cherish it for what it is - not for what I wish it was.

Half the battle in living a happy life is being content with what you have and then doing all you can to preserve it and make it last. You obviously love your wife and you appreciate that she is a great mom to your son. That is a lot of "good" to build upon. If your relationship with your wife can be preserved and made to last it will start with three unconditional words ... "I love you" ... and then accept her faults and be happy about the good things. I'm saying these are things "you" should do because that is all you can ultimately control - the things "you" do and say. If you don't quit on her and she doesn't quit on you then all things are possible.

 

If your Wife is 42 years old,may I suggest you trading her in on two 21 year olds.

Just joking around,hope you got a laugh. ,sorry I can't help with any real advice,I haven't dealt with a situation like that.
I do wish you the best with your problem.

Walter

 

That's really funny , because she is 42 , and I'm 4yrs older . Thanks for the laugh on that one .... good guess .

Thanks everyone again for the good advice

 

I'd prefer to wait until 60 and trade her in on 2 - 30 year olds. Have you tried to have conversation with a 21 y/o. I told this to my wife, although she did not get the jist of it, she said that I could not handle her what was I going to do with 2 - 30 y/o's. I said, I didn't know but am up for the challenge.

CO53super88, there is difference between old cars and wives. With the old car, if it gives you trouble, simply turn it off, repair it, and restart, your back in business. With a wife it's just not that simple!

 

I'll take (3) 14-yr-olds!



Now we can start a "old cars are better than women because..." thread

... they don't care how man other old cars you have.

... if they make too much noise you can just replace a few parts

... when not in use they don't cost much.

 

I know what you mean ... but my point wasn't really about old cars - it was that maybe there's less that needs to be fixed and more that just needs to be appreciated. We are conditioned from a very young age to compare ourselves, our appearance, our intelligence, our achievements, our possessions, our wealth and status ... with our peers and that is often at the root of problems in relationships and life in general. I guess what I'm saying is that happiness starts with being OK with who you are and the lot God gave you in life. If you are lucky enough to have someone to share your life with then be thankful for that and do whatever you can to preserve it. That's all I was saying.

 

I understand and agree with what your saying, was just making a funny!

In this day and age we have a disposable society, everyone wants to start at the top and jump right in there and load up on debt to aquire what most of us took 20 years to get. It's easier to bale when things get rough instead of working through it. It's easier to quit paying on things you bought, and go bankrupt to make it all go away.

Our society is doomed, we reward those who do the wrong thing, and never help the ones who do the right thing.

 

lol

 

Well , things are cooled down for now , and I hope they stay that way . I really need to get some sleep .

 

go out to your car.. grab a tire iron... and.... you know what just cut your losses now.. i had my wife take off with my son for 2 months it sucked.. her bitch mother had her get a lawyer and stick it to me.. only for us to get back together AFTER i got a better lawyer.. she took off and left me in the house.. giving up her rights.. ( dumb ) wait why am i talking about my wife on a car forum? j/k i think most men should trade there wifes in for a lift and a garage with a loft over it.. i know i'd be happier.

 

oh BTW for you guys that are going to post... haha well using your facebook acc be sure to take away the little check under Publish this to your Facebook Stream.. or the old battle axe will see...lol