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I make all the money, support everything from a, home, new suv to daycare too trash pickup.
She has no worry about anything except taking care of the kids..
I come home every day by 4-5pm. 50% of the time i make dinner. Am i an @$$-hole?
Because the way im treated is lousy at home..
I know alot of guys that arent home until 8pm
" " work in the garage till 11pm
" " that dont work
" " and so on...
I come home so im home to help..but it dosnt matter... She gripes at me about everything that happens during the day..like we whent to lunch and had to wait...while im at work getting pooped on..lol
Is this normal? I here it is lol
Last edited by Olds64; August 4th, 2016 at 04:53 AM.
Reason: No cussing please.
Learn to love the Garage and that sweet car you have, or sell all your stuff and give her 1/2 the cash or better. My car and motorcycles NEVER bitch at me no matter how hard I beat them. Well I did smoke the low end on my 455 3 years ago.Then last week dropped 1st gear in the turbo 400. It was more of I give up than a bitch on both counts. But the wife Bitched a lot you would have thought it was her car. After 36 years God has been kind and blessed me with some hearing loss. It makes it easier Hey don't eat all the lobster I will be in Sandwich next week and I will need about 10 of them LOL.
Durf
The web is not really a great place to look for advice...but since you asked...
I've been the sole bread winner in my home for the last 20 years. My wife and I decided long ago that we did not want someone else raising our kids. After I got out of the Navy, I was making enough with contracting for us to do this (we budget tightly, but we manage). Once the kids got old enough to not be so dependent, my wife filled the time with volunteer work in our community and at our kid's elementary school, with a part time job thrown in here and there. She did this mainly because she was bored at home and wanted to be around other adults, the little bit of extra cash didn't hurt either.
The only reason that I bring this up is that maybe your wife is feeling a little bored being home all of the time.
Last edited by chip-powell; August 4th, 2016 at 03:37 AM.
I don't know how old you are, but my wife is retired and I'm in my mid 50, yes my wife is 10 years older then me, that's why she is retired and I'm not. I work 12 hour days, swing shift. we have been married 28 years now. when I get home, she has house clean, and supper ready, we both set down and eat together , and talk about the day we had. No smart phones, no I pads, we talk. Maybe that's all that you need, talk to her. P.S. I have three garages, a two car , and 2 four car garages , and I'm building a 40x64 now, with two lifts. I don't spend all my free time in them, when wife needs something, she is first on my list. my priority . I always think back to when I was trying to get a date with her, I would do anything at that time for that date, and that's how I treat her know, the same way. anything. Sorry for the long responds. no i'm not a counselor , just a old man.
Way to go old men. Bottom line is it takes hard work and dedication. Dedication to your better half that is. My advice is to listen carefully to her. You don't have to fix everything either. You are not her entertainment centre but only you can make sure she is happy. You can make a life together or make one apart, your choice. I chose to be with my wife 38 years now and it was the best 10 years of my life. (Joking of course).
Respect, respect and respect!!
You need to learn that a woman needs lots of positive attention and respect. After all she delivered your children, remember she has changed in many ways after childbirth.
Give her as much positive attention as you can throughout the day. Sometimes just a text saying " I love you " during the day will make for a great evening.
Get off the couch while she's cooking diner or loading the dishwasher and feel her up a little, she will melt in your arms.
I run a business myself, my wife comes into the office 5 days a week for 4-5hrs makes sure I'm OK.
Makes meals and takes very good care of me as I do her in other ways.
Allows me to spend $ on our cars even thou she wasn't a car gal.
Give her lots of attention and I'm sure you'll have a wonderful wife in the near future.
Cheers
Eric
Not sure if your kids are school age or not, but keep in mind the breaking point where many parents are looking forward to getting the kids back to school and into their normal routine. The kids look forward to this also. The summer vacation deal that they once looked forward to has become a little boring now. It makes being at home tough and trying at times. My wife and I both are at home with 3 kids. So I know how it can be.
And/or if your wife is one of those who really looks enjoys summer, she may be coming to the realization that it is ending soon. My wife goes through this also. Summer is never long enough. But then again she likes the hot weather.
This is one (smart) mans solution:
My S.O. lives 0.6 miles down the road in her own house(convenient hugh). Best of all worlds. She leaves my house or I leave her house. Were both empty nesters. We go a week without talking because we're both so busy. We also do business together so we will interact during the week on occasion, professionally of course. When its time to do "something" unprofessional one of us initiates. Co-habitation problem eliminated. Bitchin eliminated. Life is good...She gets to watch Steve Harvey, Ellen and Dancing with the Stars and all that crap till her hearts content and I can watch Velocity, History, DA or tinker in the garage till 1am or et al....without ANY bitchin! That IS Bitchin and that doesn't suck!
Of course I had to divorce twice before I cam to my senses....
BTW we were engaged and lived together for 3 years till we both woke the hell up.
The web is not really a great place to look for advice...but since you asked...
I've been the sole bread winner in my home for the last 20 years. My wife and I decided long ago that we did not want someone else raising our kids. After I got out of the Navy, I was making enough with contracting for us to do this (we budget tightly, but we manage). Once the kids got old enough to not be so dependent, my wife filled the time with volunteer work in our community and at our kid's elementary school, with a part time job thrown in here and there. She did this mainly because she was bored at home and wanted to be around other adults, the little bit of extra cash didn't hurt either.
The only reason that I bring this up is that maybe your wife is feeling a little bored being home all of the time.
Does she have an interest in your Olds? Do you spend time together with it? Happy wife, happy life!
Does she have an interest in your Olds? Do you spend time together with it? Happy wife, happy life!
She is interested in going on long drives in it, and that's about it. She does not want to drive it herself. She says that the hood is to long.
The funny part is that she's the one that talked me into buying it about 4 years ago. Her exact words to me were "For the last 20+ years, you've spent all of your money on Me, the kids and the house. I want you to buy it because it will be just for you."
Last night my wife said "I'm glad your working on your car and didn't give up". If I spend all day Saturday working on it I stay away from it on Sunday. It takes longer to get things done, but keeps everything running better so the next Saturday I can work on it again. I work on it at a shed we have a mile down the road, but I take all the smaller parts home to de-rust and paint there. It helps that when I'm at the shed working on it my son is there helping, or me helping him as the case may be. 30 years next month for us, good luck.
If the man works, and the wife does not; keeping house, kid care, and most of the cooking should be on her, as that is her job now. Same if the roles are reversed.
If they both work, it should be split down the middle, and tuned to individual preferences.
If you bust your *** for your family and pay for everything, you should come home to happy, clean kids that had a fun, useful day and a meal being made by a happy woman who is pleased to see you all in a clean, kept house. That's her job, just as yours is to make money.
Now, if she works, even if it's for not as much as you, you still split the housework 50/50, as you are the man and take on more of the load as your duty. Me? I'm no chauvinist, when I marry, she should work until we have kids, and then it will be a mutual decision about what is best for her and the kids.
If you bust your *** for your family and pay for everything, you should come home to happy, clean kids that had a fun, useful day and a meal being made by a happy woman who is pleased to see you all in a clean, kept house. That's her job, just as yours is to make money.
.
What episode of Leave it to Beaver did you grab that from?
I've been married for almost 25 years and the typical day goes like this...
1. Get up at 5am and work my a$$ off all day.
2. Come home to 3 boys that have been fighting since school let out, or if it is summer vacation, all day long. My wife is exhausted from working around the house all day and from trying not to kill the children.
3. Either my wife cooks dinner and I clean up, or I cook and she cleans up.
4. Both of us run out the door again in 2 different directions because the kids have to get to practice, scouts, after school clubs, etc...
5. We usually get home and collapse into some comfortable chairs sometime around 8-9pm.
6. Go to bed around 10:30pm
7. Get up at 5am and start the whole thing over again.
What episode of Leave it to Beaver did you grab that from?
The only thing he didn't mention is if she wears a string of pearls the way June Cleaver always did, too.
Originally Posted by chip-powell
I've been married for almost 25 years and the typical day goes like this...
1. Get up at 5am and work my a$$ off all day.
2. Come home to 3 boys that have been fighting since school let out, or if it is summer vacation, all day long. My wife is exhausted from working around the house all day and from trying not to kill the children.
3. Either my wife cooks dinner and I clean up, or I cook and she cleans up.
4. Both of us run out the door again in 2 different directions because the kids have to get to practice, scouts, after school clubs, etc...
5. We usually get home and collapse into some comfortable chairs sometime around 8-9pm.
6. Go to bed around 10:30pm
7. Get up at 5am and start the whole thing over again.
This will all end before you know it, and you will actually miss it. My wife and I celebrated 37 years of marriage on August 4. My three children (a boy and two girls, now ages 32, 30 and 28) were teenagers all at the same time once, too, and had their share of disagreements. But we got through it, they all grew up, completed college, got jobs, and two (the daughters) are married with families.
There is no cookie cutter marriage guide, it either works or it doesn't. I've been married for 36 years to the same woman and I've found there are only 2 ways to argue with one, neither works!
If you find that you cannot reconcile your differences, then either its time to cut both of your loses or get some help. Making the money in a household where the wife is a stay at home mom is just 50% of what it takes to take care of the family, I assure you if she is a stay at home mom and you have kid/s she has a full time job.
My wife is also a stay at home spouse. We made the decision that we didn't want someone else raising our daughter too. We sacrificed a lot. We don't drive new cars, we don't have a big house or a cottage on the lake, we don't take fancy vacations either. It's a struggle but we are in it together. I know she gets bored sometimes and wants to work part time. The problem is she has been out of the work force for so long that there isn't much out there for her. She's getting over it though. When we got married I had a nice 64' Chevy Impala. I sold it so we could get our first house. She knew I loved that car and had owned since I was 17. she promised me that when the time comes I could get another car. I bought my 72' Olds in 1997 and she was rough. I worked on it and drove it at the same time. As long as the bills were paid and there was some money in the bank she never bitched about car parts or the restoration. She is not a car gal but knows it helps me to unwind and think. We've been married 26 years and I couldn't picture myself without her. Keep plugging along!
Chip, I grabbed it from the episode where modern women turn into demanding harridans, marriage isn't required or even encouraged anymore, and girls think they can have they have their cake and eat it, too, by sleeping around in their teens and 20s with a lot of men, then expecting some dude who spent his 20s working and is now established to wife that up even after she has hit the wall and looks old.
Oh, wait, that's reality nowadays. Never mind.
I've got no problem busting my *** off in a marriage. I'm a guy; we work. I don't care if the girl isn't perfect, I just care that she tries.
This is from a single guy's perspective, but it's from a different one than you older dudes who were expected to get married, because it doesn't matter anymore, and now we look at what the girl brings to the table as well, instead of just the guy.
My wife works full time. But it's second shift. I work regular hours. This has worked out for us since our boys were born. They're now 13 and 10.
This has allowed us to be home with them to raise them. My wife tends to the house and almost always has dinner cooked ahead of time before she goes to work. We just have to heat it up. She pays for all her own expenses, the grocery bill, most of the stuff the boys need and stuff like moderate vacations and Buddy, our Golden Retriever.
I'm responsible for all the cars, and all of the house projects and all of the outside yardwork, although the boys have been helping out there now that they're older. I pay the mortgage, utility bills, insurances and school tuition bills. I also handle the after school activities including sports practices, helping the boys manage their homework and school projects, and only until recently, my least favorite....packing lunches.
Basically the only chore we share is laundry and that's handled by whoever happens to be passing by the machines.
It's tough in a lot of aspects because my wife and I hardly see each other during the week. During the school year, she only sees the kids on weekends and getting them off to school in the mornings. She also misses their after school programs.
But we know it won't be forever. She's currently interviewing for a day shift position.
The best part, we don't have time to argue the little bit of time we ARE together. We're too busy negotiating the what, when and how stuff needs to get done.
Man, you got choices. Try to solve it, counseling, or bite the bullet and get out. I'm in my third. My 2nd got so bad I was afraid of it leading to someone going to jail. Bugged out of a house that I kept in my name after the first divorce. Out of the house for 4 years until I got it back. Interviewed a few lawyers until I found one that didn't give me BS. Research state divorce laws so I knew BS when I heard it. The lawyer should tell you the worst and best that can happen. If you go the divorce route, I recommend a woman lawyer. I retained one that was a real bi-atch.
BUT, you gotta make the
I deleted your previous post truckman. A bit over the line for this site...
I got to read it just before deletion. It was a tad too colorful then the norms expected here.
truckman, I feel your pain,I know you were venting, it did not bother me, but I like that mods attempt to keep some civility here.
Thanks for deleting. Sorry Eric.
Its been too much.
I told the old lady to go on a trip with her friend, ill pay for everything. ( were going on a Disney trip in march with the kids) Not like i go anywere but what the hell..
I get, OH, OK im going this week. Nov.
This is while my dad has knee surgery, since we work together and i have to cover for him, its a tough time for me. Dads getting both done, so 1- 4 weeks the the other.
So i told the wife, i cant then......that whent over great
I hope your relationship takes a turn for the better truckman. Spend as much time as you can with your kids. That will pay dividends in the event the D work comes at you.
Say nothing and write a lot less in any arguments. Keep your cool!
Wish you all the best!!
Cheers
Eric
Thanks,
Im cool,
I feel like all i do and work for is providing for my fam. Wile the old laddy is a pain in the *** or yelling at me and or the kids.
I know its tough being a mom, but i dont think its as bad as i have it.
A mom, that dosnt have to worry about anything but the 2 kids..Ive had the kids on days, and its great.
Anyways, kinda pissed...I was like go away on vacation, ill pay...and theres always something ...
If i was a woman, and my husband was like go away on my dime, i wouldnt be a pain,...wellp.. im just dealing with a pain lol.
The last part that set me off, and ill put it lightly. Because it got deleted:
Her aunt told me, that my marriage was done because i dont have sex. Sex to me is 2- loving people, for years i try- get denied..So i gave up. If she wants it, im there, but she never dose, unless i do the whole 9 yards
My humble opinion, you need to talk to her (not us) and get both of your opinions out on the table on what you expect for your marriage future. It will be ugly at first because both of you will dwell on each others faults and throw a bunch of stuff in each others faces. Once you get past that and remember why you married in the first place, you might get things straightened out.
Thanks, we have talked.
She just keeps saying she has no time for her self. Shes used to not working and the older kids going to school. So its a thing were she thinks that shes not "worth" anything anymore because soon, she'll have nothing to complain about.
I realy dont care if she dosnt work/ what she dose, i just want a normal wife. She is, but is going through something.......we has talked, and ive talked to many friends. There opinions arent the best, family is the same, thats why i brought questions here.
Thanks for the opinions, i appreciate it, Thanks
Eric, just gave you the best "Mediator" advice anyone could ever give you without paying for it.
I would take the time to try what he mentions and close this thread. Its always best to " say nothing and write a lot less" when going through these types of situations.
August 3rd, 2016, 05:56 PM
