Wagon and Pig Humor
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Posts: 4,430
From: Northeast Ohio
Wagon and Pig Humor
Jamesbo's sheep and cow joke reminds me of pigs.
I forget things as I get older so I may have posted this before...but there are lots of new members and the even older members forgot they heard it a week later.
You know who you are...or do you????
The Farmer and the Pigs
A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the country fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
I forget things as I get older so I may have posted this before...but there are lots of new members and the even older members forgot they heard it a week later.
You know who you are...or do you????
The Farmer and the Pigs
A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the country fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 18,050
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Blue,
Reminds me of the one about the rooster laying on his back while the buzzards circled over head. Saying "Quiet, they're fix'in to land."
I think I'll start a new thread titled "Barn yard humor Friday"
Reminds me of the one about the rooster laying on his back while the buzzards circled over head. Saying "Quiet, they're fix'in to land."
I think I'll start a new thread titled "Barn yard humor Friday"
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Posts: 4,430
From: Northeast Ohio
What's ther differnce between Rosie O'Donnell and a Pig?
Pigs don't wear lumberjack shirts, don't have moustaches and they shave their legs and armpits.
Hmmm....I wonder if French pigs have hairy legs and armpits???
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,021
From: St. Louis, Missouri
The Farmer and the Pigs
A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the country fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the country fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
Registered User
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,021
From: St. Louis, Missouri
More barn yard humor: The Farmer and the Roosters
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK,old fart, time to retire."
The old rooster replies,"Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."
The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Darn,...third gay rooster I bought this month."
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK,old fart, time to retire."
The old rooster replies,"Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."
The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Darn,...third gay rooster I bought this month."
---bil
Just an Olds Guy
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 24,528
From: Edmonton, AB. And "I am Can 'eh' jun - eh"
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
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