Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) - Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend.


Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.

"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong." The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats," decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats." "In fact," said the organizer, "motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it;ergo, they should stop."

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

"They peed on me!!!" charged one activist. "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation; however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.

"That's preposterous," said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail. "That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.

 

"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong."

I'd say they asked for it. Obviously didn't read their audience very well.

Live by the sword, die by the sword.

 

LMAO! Thats hillarious. Secret handshake.

Both my parents were/are bikers, and I'm telling you, those activists were asking for it. Nah, the bikers don't seem like they were that pissed off, they just showed the activists that they thought it was "high time" they stop what they were doing. So they had a little fun doing it. Did the hippies really think the bikers would roll over and play dead? Hell no, it's like a cat catching a mouse.

--Ryan

 

good one jamesbo.

 

I needed the laugh. That is funny.

 

wow, I am all for protesting, but they got tired of hassling people in fur coats so the next best intelligent thing to do was to throw things at bikers - protest all you want but provoking and stupidity deserve funny responses like they got.

 

Ha!! They got what they well-deserved!

 

LMAO Now that's funny! Hamburgers and hotdogs

 

I support the bikers on this one.

 

LMAO! They might as well say they are getting tired of picking on poodles for eating dogfood, so they'll pick on rottweilers instead. I say they were lucky that was all they got.

 

Secret handshake......Right

 

LMAO x5 That is too funny!

 

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satir...herprotest.asp false bet good read.

 

I woulda guessed TheOnion....

 

Ha ha ha, true or not, that's funny..."La Trene", ha ha ha.

 

If you tell me why you think my views are wrong I'll listen to you as long as you have courtesy to listen to my opinions in return.
Try and ram your way of life down my throat and I will despise you.

 

x 500 !!!!!!!!