Jamesbo

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

Allan R

Jamesbo!!! that was goooood. What's the therapists name? I need his address....LOL

and on that note:

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say “congratulations.”
But none of them rub your Willie and say “well done”

cutlassgal

You guys are soooo funny! I love it! I'll take that therapists name and address too!!! LOL!!!!!!

citcapp

Name and telephone number please I need three days of freedom

cutlassgal

Aaahhh... poor baby!

Allan R

This one really brought a tear to my eye.....very moving.



A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.

'They're mating,' her father replied.

'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.

That's a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

'The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat...

'Well, we're not having any of that gay **** in our garden' she said.

delmontcrusier

lol

cutlassgal

LOL!!!!! Thats a good one!!!

wolfman98

That is funny and sad too , daddy Longlegs are not spiders

German442

Cute!

Ralph

z11375ss

A guy is checking in at a motel and says to the clerk, "Well I certainly hope the porno channel in my room is disabled!" The clerk turned around and said, "You filthy pervert, of course it's not it's normal like the rest of them!"

delmontcrusier

hmm was the clerk blond maby.ehh just for kicks I like this line it goes,"Don't look at me in that tone of voice".

z11375ss

Shut yer mouth when your yelling at me! That's from Curb, I think.

Bluevista

What's wrong with that Bob guy taking his wife to the therapist for that kind of stuff????

I would let her drive herself or take a bus and play golf on Monday and Wednesday too.

Alb

They know it's hers but they don't know if it was your willie that did it.
Alb

oldsdroptop

The baby blue convertible in the picture was a wedding present for my wife....she has drove it once in 11 years now.....I drive it 11 times a year at least.....lol....and all the guys at the wedding said that if thay knew I was giving the car away as part of the nupituals they would have married me....lol....a car can make the ugliest guy look good....I swear......Oldsdroptop....

Allan R

MY NEW TRUCK

Who says GM doesn't have a sense of humor? I just bought a new GMC Sierra and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'

'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers.

Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid them.

I yelled, '*** Hole!' Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

wolfman98

Yep and when they programmed the radio Bush was still president

delmontcrusier

hmm lets check with the judges is he right.......... there seems to be some discussion.looks like a partly correct answer.judges say it was unexspected though only fully correct answers are accepted.would you like to try again for 500.

cutlassgal

I yelled, '*** Hole!' Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

Oh My God, I love it!!!

wolfman98

Maybe we could do a little of that "free trade" between countries and trade our a** hole for yours

Oldsguy

I was teasing a co-worker about wasting the boss's time by cruising on the internet during work hours. I commented that he is probably on a **** site, he replied "well kind of, gay midget disabled squirrel actually". I couldn't stop laughing, now when we pass he occasional says that phrase. Others within earshot either have been told the private joke we share or look in confusion .

German442

D@mn!!!
Almost exactly the same w/ me! I bought one of the last '92 Camaro Z28 ragtops w/ the "Heritage" option Apr '93. It'd been sitting on the lot in Bremerhaven (German seaport) for several months. We'd just been on a sunday cruise to the PX in Mannheim & they had a red one w/ black stripes as a demo. Needless to say, we went for a spin & my then wife-to-be was awed. She hadn't had much contact w/ American sports cars.
To make a long story short, I went to the PX in Baumholder the following week & discovered the car, bought it & hid it 'till Aug 20th!
First time she saw the car was on the way out of the wedding hall- she is almost never at a loss for words- this time was hand over the mouth & huuuuuhhhh (breath inhaled).
I know it isn't an Olds, but at least it's GM! BTW- pic attached!

BUT- Couldn't resist- 2d pic shows the Olds in the background!

Ralph