Jamesbo

Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too..' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors... 'Why does it have to be this way?' 'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'

wolfman98

How did we get to twenty-two already Did I miss a bunch.

cutlassgal

That's funny Jamesbo!!!!!!

Wolfie..... Jamesbo is roman numeral challenged! LOL!! (so am I for that matter)!!

citcapp

It happenned because he ran out of fingers and toes. What do you expect for Jamsbo anyway. Poor guy

Allan R

Try this link, you'll find out how Tiger got all that publicity.
http://www.atom.com/fun_games/tiger_...xrs=eml_121709

wolfman98

So I heard on the news that Tiger entered a sex rehab center to get help with his addiction to sex. I didn't know that was a problem , maybe it's an addiction to having sex with multiple partners that's the problem.
I think Tiger's such a nice guy he could not say no. All those beautiful women throwing themselves at him , man am I glad I don't have that problem

Allan R

Hey Wolfie,
I hear you've got a new movie coming out on Feb 12??? You're way too modest; not letting us know that you're starring in your own title role : Wolfman.

wolfman98

Geez maybe after the movie comes out women will throw themselves at me?
This could be a good thing cause my neighbourhood is getting sparse of people

cutlassgal

Down boy, down!!! Remember your back! LOL!!!!

citcapp

Just the local dogs will throw themselves at you! Arf arf arf sniff sniff

Bluevista

Just go to the bar on ladies night, always a lot of dogs that will throw themselves at anything.
As long as they're groomed, have all their shots, a good job and lots of money in the bank what the hey?

Do Woofmans girfriends have to wear flea collars?

citcapp

I would say thats a big 10-4 or maybe flea-dip which ever smells better

cutlassgal

That's funny!!!!

OLD SKL 69

Caught me on that one!

wolfman98

Nope

And nope

I skin them outdoors then leave them stuck in the snow , keeps them fresh for a long time. I do have to chase the wild dogs away from my cash every once in a while though

Allan R

A blonde is driving her car down the road and suddenly it breaks down. She gets out and opens the hood, but doesn't know what the problem is. By chance, a mechanic stops to help her. "I don't know what happened," the blonde says "it just kinda stopped working."

"Ok," says the mechanic, "let me take a look and see if I can help you." He looks around the engine bay, tinkers around a little bit, and finally closes the hood. He smiles to the blonde and says "Alright, you're good to go."

"Wow," the blonde says, "that was pretty quick. What was the problem?" "Nothing serious," the mechanic replies, "just crap in the carburetor." The blonde, with a shocked look on her face, then says "Oh...well...how many times a week should I do that?"


A Pirate tale....
A pirate walks into a bar and says "Barkeep, let me have one of your finest".
The bartender pours the drink and brings it to the pirate.
Noticing something odd, bartender says "Sir, you know you have a fricken' steering wheel hanging off your di#@?"
Pirate - "Arrghh, its driving me nuts."

70 cutlass s

I wonder if that comes with a telescopic and tilt feature.

cutlassgal

...... "Arrghh, its driving me nuts."


That's funny!!!!!

70 cutlass s

Ok?

flatoz

This has apparently been doing the rounds in some of our boardering countries showing how un-couth Aussies are towards some religions.

An Aussie and a Muslim gentleman both take their seats next to each other on a plane. After take off the hostess comes around and offers the Aussie an alcoholic drink he answers

'sure mate, would love a bundy and coke ( local rum for you yanks)'

she then asks the muslim gentleman, to which he replies

'I would rather be defiled by 13 virgins than have that touch my lips'

The Aussie sits there quietly for a few seconds and then says to the hostess,

'err, can I change my order, I didn't know we had an option'

Allan R

ummmm, sure ....Andy....you also get to choose what color pills to take with that.....

Sandy, You could always 'steer" him in the right direction.......I mean, if you wanted that kind of "hands on" experience I know, I know, I'm gonna die a horrible death when I get back to Ohio. Watch for the Twinsburg exit and keep on goin...right??

70 cutlass s

I don't know what to say. I guess order me a bottle.

Allan R

You, my friend, are a riot!

I'll get a bottle with 2 kinds for ya. One will be yellow with a happy face for those "special moments" when there's no doubt something exciting is about to happen.

And we'll also get some purple sad face ones that can be used when you hear "I've got a headache" or "not tonight". Modern medicine and prescriptions can make every night a good night

Pharmaceuticals - mans answer to nature not cooperating or gone wrong!

toro68

An Oldsmobile buddy from NC sent me that joke.

cutlassgal

Allan R.... you are tooooo funny!!

Oldskeeper

I read the pirate joke and laughed myself right off my chair,that was a good one,thanks I needed a good pirate joke laugh.
Steve
P.S. I could have wrote ROTFLMAO but prefer to try and spell it out

70 cutlass s

Allan I'll take a large supply of the purple. You can throw in a few yellows.

Allan R

It's that bad huh? Time to go out and work on your car. It always loves you no matter what kind of mood your in.

Check your PMs later tonite. Got a Q for you.

70 cutlass s

It's not that bad. I do wish it would warm up so I can work on my car. It's snowing right now.

OLD SKL 69

I thought that was part of the fun of being a diehard gear head Andy! Don't you like to crawl around under the car when it's snowing?

70 cutlass s

I have done it many times. I have been sick too because of it.

A few years ago, I remember one time on a 4x4 I broke a leaf spring on the front. It turned into about a three day project. I would go outside for 15 min. then come in and warm up and did it over and over.

Also replaced the shocks. While I had it apart found other things wrong. Pretty much changed everything on the brakes. Replaced wheel bearings. All kinds of stuff. I was sick for another three days after that if I remember right.

OLD SKL 69

Ok, you got me there. That's dedication!

Allan R

Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller : Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you fool!

Caller: Mmmmm??..Oh really?... I will send a picture.




Mouseincopier.jpg?t=1267154900

442much

Rap pick up line....


Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?

Allan R

I hate rap

442much

The only rap I've heard and liked was Will Smith singing the Wild, Wild West and the theme to Men In Black 1 and 2.

442much

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Saskatchewan prairieswithout water.



His horse has already died of thirst.He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed hislastbreath,


when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the groundseveral yards ahead of him.


He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers whatlooks to be an old briefcase.


He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.


She is wearing a Revenue Canada ID badge and a dull grey dress.
(Revenue Canada = IRS)

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behindoneear.


'Well, cowboy,' says the genie..You know how I work....You havethreewishes.'


'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust aRevenue Canada genie.'


'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks likeyou're a goner anyway!'


The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie isright.


'OK!, I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food anddrink.'


***POOF***


The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.


'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'


'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'


** *POOF***


The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with raregoldcoins and precious gems.


'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'


After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that nomatterwhere I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'


***POOF***


He was turned into a tampon.


Moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.

Jamesbo

During a recent password audit, it was found that this gal was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacrame nto"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

cutlassgal

Oh Lord..........

citcapp

Wow she is one smart blond to figure that out all by herself. A credit to womanhood in general