The Darwin's are out!!!!!


Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Provo, Utah, would-be robber Jason Ellison did something that can only inspire wonder.

He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again! This time it worked!!

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago, returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped... Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies... The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money... is a crime commited?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some booze pretty badly... He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a South Carolina convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID... To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on an Atlanta Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home, near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had!


In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with family and friends.... unless of course, one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend.

In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost!

*** Remember.... They walk among us... they vote.... and they breed!!! ***

 

"A Northeastern Ohio female was dazed and confused for days trying to find the 710 cap on her engine.
She finally realized that is was the OIL cap only after standing on her head on the automobile's radiator core support to read it. Earlier in the day at a local auto parts store a woman with long dark hair could be heard complaining to the clerk about what kind of lousy place doesn't have 5 quarts of 710 and a retlif when she inquired about purchasing them. They obviously did not have the products or any idea of what she was talking about. "

 

The "You're a .............."

Doesn't seem to be working.

Try using this on the frontal lobe

 

Hey....Redgoat did it.

 

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!

 

Now that is funny, right there! Pardon me guys........ I'm gonna be giving you a RETLIF ENEMA if ya keep it up!!!!!! And Redgoat too!!!

 

Thanks Jamesbo!!! Nothing like a nice iron skillet upside the head!!! I also have the big heavy wooden rolling pin my grand dad made for my mom.... I've kept more than one guy in line with it!!!!!

 

I'm safe until that engine is painted.
I can run fast too.
My dad bought my mom a case of wooden spoons because she would bust them on our butts.
She came home from a garage sale once with one of those giant wooden spoons you hang on the wall and we all freaked out.

 

That concept worked well when we were young and IMHO, it should be still used today.
Nowdays I think kids would call 911 on they cell phones if that was to happen...

 

Damn... ya got me, don't ya??? Those wooden spoons hurt!!!! We mostly got it with switches. It hurt worse when we had to go out and cut our own! Those things would wrap around where ever mom hit us, and leave welts!

We'd go to school the next day, and the teacher would notice the welts and say "well, you didn't listen to your folks again, did you?" Now a days it would be like - "we better call child services"!! I used those wooden spoons on Nicole before... it didn't harm her at all... and she learned to listen. There's a big difference in discipline and abuse!

Jean and Bob had a big wooden paddle hanging on the kitchen wall. We all had to sign the back when we got a whack with it! LOL