The phone started ringing this morning. I looked at the caller I.D. The name was Memorial Gardens. A local cemetery.

I answered the phone. The caller asked is this so and so. I said yes, but let me guess someone escaped. All I could here was hmmmm on the other end of the line. Then I told them, well what ever you do don't let them back in.

Turns out they just wanted to sell me a couple of cemetery plots. That's kind of sad. They caused me to believe someone had escaped from the cemetery to give me a heart attack, just to sell cemetery plots.

 

I got a call like that once. I asked if they could respect my cultural and religous heritage. He was positive that they could. He asked my religion. I said "Aztec". There was a pause on the phone. I thought the line went dead, but no he was still there. "Azzzteccc?" he said slowly. "Yep" We'll need a virgin so my eldest son can rip her heart out, will that be a problem?" He hung up on me. Obviously, he had no customer service.

 

My mom (retired) says she gets calls all the time about funeral stuff.
She tells them "You guys sure cannot wait till I die..." and hangs up.

 

I own a Green Cemetery and never call on anyone. My goal is to offer people a more economical alternative to traditional funerals. Why in the wild, wild world of sports does anyone pay $800 -$1,200 for a concret vault to bury in the ground.

I just spent 2 days at the Georgia Funeral Directors Expo, and I can tell you without a doubt. It's BIG business.

What most people don't realize is the old locally owned funeral home they used when grandpa passed has often been bought up by one of the Mega corporations that own hundreds of funeral homes and cemeteries.

If you want to read a horor story about mistakes the big corporations make see below.

http://www.citizensforethics.org/node/24825

Sorry if I wrecked your Funny page.

 

I want a plot big enough that I can get my car bronzed and park it on top with my hands fixing it from below.
Steve

 

Jamsbo, you can't take fun out of fun-eral. Here dying is so popular that we put fences around the cemetary's because people are just dying to get in....groan, I know.

Actually, it was just in the news that the average life span of Canadians has just improved to (men and women) 80.7 years. Women top out around 84 years.

 

I am going to be cremated and have my remains mixed with chassis paint and have my kids paint the 57 frame, that way I will always be with my car. At least until someone does a frame off.

 

Now that's SCARY!!!!

 

We have several local funeral homes and three are owned by a Mega Co. like you said. This has happened over the last 10 years in my city.

They still have the same people running them. I just wonder whats going to happen to them when the people retire who will take them over. I have had a lot of people pass away the last few years. That the funeral director knows me by name. I saw him a few months ago at a store. He said "haw Andy" and stopped and talked to me for little while.

No Jamesbo you didn't wreck the tread. I'm glad you post to it.

 

Thanks,

I was a little concerned. The norm for the mega companies is to not change anything. They want you to believe that it's the same ole funeral home that has searved your family for generations. And it's NOT. Most of the people who I know who have worked for these big corporations say it's all about profit and keeping the stock prices as high as possible. Ergo People get taken advantage of at a bad time for thinking straight.

Don't get me wrong. I've made the same mistakes until I finally got interested in the business. There are some fine people searving the needs of communities and there are some who are only after the all mighty dollar.

The Biggest problem is IMHO that people don't know anything about the subject and don't want to.

If people choose to stick thier heads in the sand, they are ignoring something that is inevitable.

I'll get off my soap box now. It's just I've seen too many shakey hands sign checks and I feel for them.

 

.....If people choose to stick thier heads in the sand, they are ignoring something that is inevitable


Dying.... It's the last thing we want to do, and it is the last thing we do.

 

I have heard it said, "People don't fear dying, they just fear not living.". It sounds like a joke but it is kind of true.

 

While we are talking about cemetery's and creepy stuff. What happens when the cemetery is full? How do they make money after that? Like I said a silly question, just curious.

 

The short answer is "They don't. " Theoretically, they should have put enough into a perpetual care fund to maintain it forever.

However, In Georgia, there are 3 clasifications of cemeteries

1] City
2] Church
3] Private

Only the Private ones are required by the state to have perpetual care funds. I've seen some ole country churches where the membership has either died or moved away that are barely maintained at all. IMHO they are destine to fall into disrepairunless some civic group decides it's a woorth while project.

 

I've heard that some cemetaries now offer to "stack" the coffins on top of each other for space reasons. Not sure how that works or if it's for real. But if it is, I wanna be stacked on top of my wife, face down.

 

What you heard is correct, most Cemetery's do Double Stack as my Parents will be on top instead of beside like many years ago.

 

I'm originally from New Orleans and my family has two vaults there. As long as we use all wood coffins, we can keep stacking in members. I think that the waiting period is 3 years for the coffin and remains to decompose enough to be broken down to the bottom so a new coffin can go in. I keep thinking that if there are ghosts that I need to get the caretakers to throw in some empty bottles of gin and whiskey so they can all have a party down there. And just as a fun fact, one of the crypts is in St Louis #1 right around the corner from the voodoo queen Marie Laveau so we always had to be careful not to disturb any offerings on the way to visit.

 

when I was a kid , anytime we'd drive past a cemetery (in my dad's 1972 Delta 88 Convertible) my dad would ask one of two questions...
1: why do they have a fence around the cemetery??
...because people are dying to get in...

2: How many people do you think are dead in there?
As me and my siblings would furiously start counting gravestones, my dad would always answer "all of them"

 

Yeah, & he was dead right, too!

Ralph

 

All cementeries in Germany are fenced and get locked in the dark. That can`t stop thieves. A few years ago some of them startet to steal non-ferros metal made sculptures and lamps from the graves, especially bronze. Those metalls are well payd on the gray market. In the late 90th a german town with space problems on the cementary startet a new projekt. They build grave walls for urns. Each " crypt " is barred with a 20 inch squared bronze door about 1 3/4 inch thick.
The family members like them as the graves seam save and it`s easy to maitain them.
Last wheek an unscrupulous criminal gang forced 30 doors and stole them, some bronze made urns as well............

 

Ok, time for a breather from the funeral stuff. Hope you guys don't mind, here's something I found FUNNY!! Wolfman can probably relate......

Lost in Nova Scotia

Two Texans were driving through Nova Scotia .

As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-aack-id-dee),
they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee,
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"





The waitress leaned over the counter and says:






"Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttoooonnns..."


Now, you gotta admit - that's FUNNY!!!!

 

I moved to northern Virginia lasy May. It has been almost 11 months and I stiill miss my Tims. I am looking forward to flying home in July for some Tims, and made I will visit with family too.

Adam