Jamesbo

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...

Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

AND HERE'S WHY...

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, just returned from shopping at the grocery store, came looking for her husband, saw his mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed him in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to the point it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.


(Breathe here...... )

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes..

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog which, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire put out).

Time passed... Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world again.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

we jeep inn

BwaaHaaa. How do you get coffee out of the keyboard?

wolfman98

That should be in the humor de jour dept. Sounded like a keystone cops routine.

rocketraider

It's like me da always said- "Snake might not hurt you, but it'll make you hurt yourself!"

My Mama was death on two legs for a snake. Serpents didn't have a chance around her. As far as she was concerned they were all moccasins and did not deserve to exist. She bludgeoned a 5-foot blacksnake to death with her walking stick when she was nearly 80 years old, and then called the neighbor to come tote it off. Hey- it had got in her bluebird house and eaten the eggs, and she wasn't gonna stand for that!

Jamesbo

One day when my grandfather was in his eighties he was fishing at his pond sitting in a lawn chair at the waters edge. A cotton mouth water mocassin swam up to eat his catch. He slowly pulled in his stringer of fish to within range of his cane and dispatched Mr. No Shoulders at his feet. Without ever getting up from his chair, he called me to come get it and hang it in a tree to make it rain.

And the next day.....................it did.

70 cutlass s

I use to live next to a river and it was normal to see snakes around. I was changing a transmission in a car. A snake slid right by me. I don't remember how I got out from under the car, but I did it in record time. Needless to say I didn't get the transmission finished that day.

big mean

Had to change your shorts?

OLD SKL 69

:d:d:d

cutlassgal

Now that is funny!!!!!

lshlsh2

Ww had a saleslady come out to the nursery asked if we wanted to advertise with her company. I said not really and she started with her sales pitch. A snake came out and slithered between her feet. She got in her car real fast and I never saw her again. Good Snakie

70 cutlass s

I have friend with a 66 Buick conv. He had parked it in the barn with the top down. Left it for a couple of days. He went for a drive. Snake fell out from under the dash. Slid under his set right between his legs. He let a scream out that you could hear for miles. He got the snake out of the car. Then he drove home.