Animal humor du jour 1
May 16th, 2013, 04:44 AM
#42
Registered User
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Richardson, Texas
Posts: 223
Gay Cowboy in Texas
This is a little bad. But funny.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy,figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and theranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
(P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy,figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and theranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
(P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)
Last edited by JPMDaddy; May 16th, 2013 at 04:53 AM.
May 16th, 2013, 05:08 AM
#43
Registered User
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Richardson, Texas
Posts: 223
MARINE IN ALL GIRL BIKER BAR
An old, blind Marine Gunnery Sergeant wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,'Before you tell that joke, Marine, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:'
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a blackbelt in
karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Marine.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'
An old, blind Marine Gunnery Sergeant wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,'Before you tell that joke, Marine, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:'
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a blackbelt in
karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Marine.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'
May 16th, 2013, 06:40 PM
#44
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Centennial,Wyoming
Posts: 46
December 11th, 2013, 06:20 PM
#50
MOTORHEAD
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: minnesota USA
Posts: 6,863
December 11th, 2013, 08:17 PM
#51
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,584
A guy goes into a hardware store and tells the worker he needs a file. Worker says ok no problem, but there are many different files. What kind do you need. Guy says it dosent matter just any file will do. So the worker asks well what are you using the file for? Guys says im going to file my parrots beak off. The worker is astonished! Hes says you cant do that it will kill the parrot! The guy says no dont worry it wont kill the parrot just sell me that file. So the worker sells him a file reluctantly. Two weeks later the guy goes into the hardware store again, the worker sees him and asks him. Hey hows the parrot? Guy says oh the parrot died! The worker says I told you if you filed its beak off it would kill him!!! The guy replies, filing its beak off didnt kill it. It died when i clamped its head in the vise!
December 11th, 2013, 08:37 PM
#53
MOTORHEAD
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: minnesota USA
Posts: 6,863
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