HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK

[cutlassgal]

A little something to get our week started off on a funny note! I don't think it falls in to the no religion catagory!



HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK -

When a co-worker comes in a little too happy, singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the sh** out of her"

You need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes" and you think, "what the f*** do they want now?"

You need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say "which one of you sons of bitches turned off my computer?"

You need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office..." and you want to throw a stapler at him..

You need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is "what the hell does this bit** want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk...

You need to pray at work.

When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in to your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a$$"...

You need to pray at work.

When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for 5 minutes waiting for the darn thing, only to go DOWN one floor, and you think to yourself "that lazy bastard"...

You need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it, and you think "sorry a$$ M#$%F%&#$"...

You need to pray at work.

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping, or flattening someone's tires that you work with....

You need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than "hello" or "how you doing" to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story...

You need to pray at work.


Now kneel and bow your head!

[Impin']

Thank you. I've seen this before, but it's still as funny as the first time. You have a great sense of humor.

[OLD SKL 69]

That's exactly why I got out of the office and now work in the field. My knees were killing me from all the praying!!! Now, no one bothers me anymore.

[rocketraider]

Add:

When someone uses the last scrap of toilet paper and is too trifling to go down the hall to the janitor closet for a new roll or two, and you think "useless-ass lazy m-f", you need to pray at work.

However, I will usually come back out of the head loudly announcing the prior occupant's illegitimate birth before I go and get a roll.

One of them actually had the nerve to say "my wife replaces the roll at home. I don't do it". Hey bubsy, you're what, 41 years old? You're a big boy, look after yourself.

[Lady72nRob71]

After reading that, I may not have any more time for anything but praying...
At my place, I noticed 5 years ago they announced a new 'no guns' in the workplace rule. WHAT was it before?? If you had a permit and it was in season??? Dang - I missed out!!

Originally Posted by rocketraider

When someone uses the last scrap of toilet paper and is too trifling to go down the hall to the janitor closet for a new roll or two,

I worked at a company that forbade this convenient ability.
We had the "great toilet paper heist".
Too many of the low lifes were stealing rolls for home use, so what little existed was kept under lock and key. You had to request a roll from a manager and your ID recorded. In fact supply was so tight, you needed to bring your own from home, just in case!
Needless to say, when the sh*t hit the fan around there, NOONE was ready!

[Olds64]

That is pretty funny!

[cutlassgal]

Originally Posted by rocketraider

Add:

When someone uses the last scrap of toilet paper and is too trifling to go down the hall to the janitor closet for a new roll or two, and you think "useless-ass lazy m-f", you need to pray at work.

However, I will usually come back out of the head loudly announcing the prior occupant's illegitimate birth before I go and get a roll.

One of them actually had the nerve to say "my wife replaces the roll at home. I don't do it". Hey bubsy, you're what, 41 years old? You're a big boy, look after yourself.

I know what you mean!! I work with a guy that is like that... you can tell he was raised with all sisters - no brothers - and his wife evidently does everything at home! I love him to death, but he whines and moans and groans and complains.... One of these days I'm gonna tell him to MAN UP!!!!! PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT!!!
The fellow I work with from Texas is always saying to me "didn't I tell you he complains more than a woman does?" LOL!

[cutlassgal]

Originally Posted by Impin'

Thank you. I've seen this before, but it's still as funny as the first time. You have a great sense of humor.

Thanks!! I love to laugh!! I had never seen this one before and when it came over the fax yesterday, I cracked up!! Life is too short not to laugh when ever you can!!!

[citcapp]

Thats why I work from home. Spent to much time on my knees at work (don't get the wrong idea here) praying

[wolfman98]

Well in my line of work praying would be a big help , like while around someone who is 20' over your head and thinks its a big joke to pee in a pepsi bottle then throw it your way you pray it doesn't splash when it hits the ground. After being hit in the head 3 times and on a couple of those occasions hearing snickering I realized I should have prayed. The spinal fusion in my neck should be coming up soon. We work in the great outdoors and "usually" have a roll of toilet paper in the truck , with any luck there are no houses too close and we can duck off into the woods and pray that we don't run into bears or any other wild beasts but mostly I pray I can be done before those nasty little buzzing beasts bite my bum

[rocketraider]

Originally Posted by Lady72nRob71

I worked at a company that forbade this convenient ability.

We had the "great toilet paper heist".
Too many of the low lifes were stealing rolls for home use, so what little existed was kept under lock and key. You had to request a roll from a manager and your ID recorded. In fact supply was so tight, you needed to bring your own from home, just in case!
Needless to say, when the sh*t hit the fan around there, NOONE was ready!

Uff. They musta been desperate for TP, because a lot of "institutional-grade" TP feels like sandpaper... no such thing as squeezin the Charmin...

I haven't resorted to bringing my own from home yet, but I have learned to stash a roll in my desk drawer in case there is none in the closet!

I also learned long ago to keep a roll in every car .

[cutlassgal]

John Wayne toilet paper.... Rough and Tough and don't take no shi* from no one!!!

[J-(Chicago)]

Save those old shop rags!!!

A little mineral spirits will clean that right off.

[cutlassgal]

And wolfman, watch out for poison ivy!!!!

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by cutlassgal

And wolfman, watch out for poison ivy!!!!

And AVOID the environmental friendly "rapidly dissolving" toilet paper sold for campers. It usually dissolves before it finishes the job...
Leaves are a poor substitute, due to the poison ivy thing...

Originally Posted by rocketraider

Uff. They musta been desperate for TP, because a lot of "institutional-grade" TP feels like sandpaper...

Desperate indeed! Business TP is cousin to sandpaper... I guess that is supposed to be a theft deterant...

[Jamesbo]

The evolution of a thread never ceases to amaze me.

[Lady72nRob71]

From praying to toilet paper - what an evolution!

[cutlassgal]

Fun, isn't it? And look at what all we learned today!

We know why some people have left previous jobs; why managers limit TP; who has spent a lot of time on their knees (LOL); who has had some sense "knocked" in to them; how to go potty safely in the woods; another fine use for mineral spirits; and what "not" to use as TP!!! But most of all, we had some laughs!!!

[wolfman98]

Originally Posted by cutlassgal

And wolfman, watch out for poison ivy!!!!

A couple of years ago one of the younger fellas on our crew got into some poison oak while going in the woods , after that we got a refresher course on what these poison oak,ivy nettles etc look like. make sure about what your wiping with

[Bluevista]

No problem around here if there are shortages like Moscow in '81, they grow a lot of corn and there's always plenty of corn cobs.

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Bluevista

there's always plenty of corn cobs.

OUCH!!!

Corn cobs - natures' little rasps...

[cutlassgal]

[German442]

Originally Posted by wolfman98

Well in my line of work praying would be a big help , like while around someone who is 20' over your head and thinks its a big joke to pee in a pepsi bottle then throw it your way you pray it doesn't splash when it hits the ground. After being hit in the head 3 times and on a couple of those occasions hearing snickering I realized I should have prayed. The spinal fusion in my neck should be coming up soon. We work in the great outdoors and "usually" have a roll of toilet paper in the truck , with any luck there are no houses too close and we can duck off into the woods and pray that we don't run into bears or any other wild beasts but mostly I pray I can be done before those nasty little buzzing beasts bite my bum

Your sense of humor ain't too shabby, either!

@ CutlassGal: Great stuff you started!

Ralph

[Alb]

Back in the olden days they had 3 bushel of corn cobs at the out house. 2 brown and 1 white. You used a brown one first and then a white one to see if you needed another brown.
Alb

[cutlassgal]

Originally Posted by German442

Your sense of humor ain't too shabby, either!

That was funny, wasn't it???

@ CutlassGal: Great stuff you started!

Ralph

Thank you .... thank you very much!!! We need more laughs these days!

Originally Posted by Alb

Back in the olden days they had 3 bushel of corn cobs at the out house. 2 brown and 1 white. You used a brown one first and then a white one to see if you needed another brown.
Alb

[wolfman98]

Originally Posted by German442

Your sense of humor ain't too shabby, either!

@ CutlassGal: Great stuff you started!

Ralph

Seriously in the summer all those mosquitos hang out in the woods out of the hot sun. If you spent more than 10 minutes with your pants down below your knees you could be at serious risk of passing out from blood loss Another nasty biting fly is the deer fly, horse fly and the king around these parts we call the moose fly cause if he gets a good bite of flesh you have to get out the medical kit and quickly stop the bleeding before you might require a transfusion

[cutlassgal]

That's funny right there and I don't care who you are!!!!!

[German442]

Originally Posted by wolfman98

Seriously in the summer all those mosquitos hang out in the woods out of the hot sun. If you spent more than 10 minutes with your pants down below your knees you could be at serious risk of passing out from blood loss Another nasty biting fly is the deer fly, horse fly and the king around these parts we call the moose fly cause if he gets a good bite of flesh you have to get out the medical kit and quickly stop the bleeding before you might require a transfusion

Yeah, know those (ALL of them!). Grew up in Minnesota, spend a lot of the summers in the north woods. The deer & moose flies are really nasty!
Little story: Few years ago, wife (German) & I went back for a visit & spent 1 day & 2 nights at the lake I'd spent that time summers when I was a kid. Anyway, she thought it was a good idea to go for a walk in the woods. I also had a "good idea" of what would happen, but, after telling her that if I yelled RUN!!! I meant it! Guess what happened! We got about 120 or so from the car, I saw the deer fly "scouts" & yelled RUN!!!!
We just barely made it to the car- 3 or 4 made it inside, but we managed to smack them before they bit.
During the course of the same vacation, we spent a night on the edge of the Black Hills. Smeared ourselves w/ Skin So Soft, but wife was wearing sandals & forgot her toes. She got bit so bad one abcessed & had to be lanced. Since then, she's allergic to ANY insect bite, even ones no one else notices!

Ralph

[cutlassgal]

That's terrible! Fly bites are the worst - they really hurt! We have deer flies and them big ole horse flies around here! Sometimes regular house flies will bite before it rains - I don't know why, but I don't like it!!

[rocketraider]

From TP to zuzu flies- another thread evolution!

Re: outhouses, going in the woods, corncobs etc...

At the 95 OCA National Meet, we completely overlooked getting a portajohn for the swap meet folks, who were a good quarter mile from the hotel. We scrambled to get them one- getting the john itself was no problem, it was the damn city permits we had to get to set it up (thank god for influential C&VB people!).

Our chapter secretary, who has a very dry and droll sense of humor, quipped "we're still trying to put that outhouse thing behind us down here" when asked if we could get them one.


My daddy kept an outhouse down at the edge of the woods for years- said it was the only place he could go in peace without somebody hollering to use it. If they'd had plastic outhouses back then...

[Lady72nRob71]

I'd prefer an outhouse anytime over a log and rapidly dissolving TP...

In TX, there are two types of mosquitos... Ones that fly through the screen doors and ones that stop and use the handle.
Alice is a mosquito magnet. Just a walk from the car to the house and she has several bite that will swell up to the size of a quarter in no time. She keeps them off of me, though...

[wolfman98]

Originally Posted by German442

Yeah, know those (ALL of them!). Grew up in Minnesota, spend a lot of the summers in the north woods. The deer & moose flies are really nasty!
Little story: Few years ago, wife (German) & I went back for a visit & spent 1 day & 2 nights at the lake I'd spent that time summers when I was a kid. Anyway, she thought it was a good idea to go for a walk in the woods. I also had a "good idea" of what would happen, but, after telling her that if I yelled RUN!!! I meant it! Guess what happened! We got about 120 or so from the car, I saw the deer fly "scouts" & yelled RUN!!!!
We just barely made it to the car- 3 or 4 made it inside, but we managed to smack them before they bit.
During the course of the same vacation, we spent a night on the edge of the Black Hills. Smeared ourselves w/ Skin So Soft, but wife was wearing sandals & forgot her toes. She got bit so bad one abcessed & had to be lanced. Since then, she's allergic to ANY insect bite, even ones no one else notices!

Ralph

The deer flies are the most common of the 3 around my house , you can tell the cause they are triangular in shape. kinda like a delta wing plane and they have spots on their wings. If you are deep in the wood and around a swampy area you are likely to run into moose fly which look like regular house flies but about 4 times the size. when I was a kid I had one bite me out at the lake on my shoulder and it left a crater from the chunk of flesh he took out. I had a scar for a long time. the thing I hate most about them is that once they start bugging you they will not leave you alone.

[Jamesbo]

I'm having a night mare of this thread getting as long as "Growing up in the 60's"

I believe I'm getting a little toooooooooo much information.

G2G

[citcapp]

Boy I am glad in live in the good old northwest. No deer flys, no moose flys, very few of any thing that bites (other then my wife, but thats another story) I feel for you guys and another thing we have indoor plumbing where I live. I can send you pictures so you can see what a bathroom looks like if you want

[cutlassgal]

Originally Posted by citcapp

Boy I am glad in live in the good old northwest. No deer flys, no moose flys, very few of any thing that bites (other then my wife, but thats another story) I feel for you guys and another thing we have indoor plumbing where I live. I can send you pictures so you can see what a bathroom looks like if you want

You crack me up!!!!! This did get wayyyyy off course!!! But it makes me laugh! From praying, to that thar new fangled indoor plumbing... oh my my my my! What will we think of next?

[German442]

Originally Posted by Lady72nRob71

Alice is a mosquito magnet. Just a walk from the car to the house and she has several bite that will swell up to the size of a quarter in no time. She keeps them off of me, though...

Just like my wife!

Ralph

[German442]

Originally Posted by Jamesbo

I'm having a night mare of this thread getting as long as "Growing up in the 60's"

I believe I'm getting a little toooooooooo much information.

G2G

No! Don't tell me there's such a thing as tooooooo much information!

Ralph