Auto repair rants for your enjoyment...

[Lady72nRob71]

"May my misfortunes be entertainment to others!"

Headlight switch headaches. The repair of one minor thing leads to the destruction of a major...

Does any car made have an easily-accessible headlight switch? Out of 3 cars I have ever worked on, the HL switches are all in the most unaccessible part of the dash. The instrument clusters had to come out in all three cases.

On my '86 Olds, many years ago, I had to yank the HL switch to replace the seatbelt chime box and also to locate the fiber optic bulb that illuminated the blue "!" on the side of the switch.

On my '72 Olds, last year, I had to pull the HL switch just to change the bulb for the word "LIGHTS". That took 1.5 hours; I should have changed the switch (for PM) while it was out.

Just yesterday I had to replace the HL switch in my 78 Ford, as it had developed the flashing headlight syndrome (bad internal circuit breaker).
It WAS a dark and windy night and my rechargable flashlight kept going dead.......
The HL switch was at the very lower left of the dash, but it was totally enclosed by steel brackets with inaccessible bolts. I tried loosening some but failed. What was the guy on who designed this mess??
So, the instrument cluster had to come out... Just remove two screws and pop the speedo cable - easy huh? I pulled the screws and pushed the speedo release clip and gave a light tug...

CLUSTER F---ED...
A tug on the cable yielded a hideous CRUNCH, like the first chew of a mouthful of Pringles... The back plastic cover of the instrument cluster came apart like a dollar watch...

I knew the last time I had this out 10 years ago, it was not in the best shape but I never thought it would self destruct in my hands like this.
The simple weight of the speedo cause it to crumble more as I tilted it up to clear the steering wheel.
Well this explains why none of the idiot lights and cluster lights worked anymore - all electrical contacts on the flex-circuit were lost as there was no backup material. It had lots of rattles, as it was all lose inside.
This plastic feels about like a thin hard cookie and crumbles like one also.
"This is the way the cluster crumbles!!"

A quick internet search showed that this is a 99% problem in all of these clusters - it was a poorly made plastic. Noone reproduces them and even rare NOS ones for 150 bucks + will have that problem...

IS THERE A PLASTIC MACHINIST IN THE HOUSE?? It is going to take some major creativity to fix this thing; I am not junking the car for such a silly problem. Until I find a solution, a new temporary cluster housing was built...

Right now I don't know whether to laugh my a** off or be POed...

BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE (bad luck)!
I squeezed the new HL switch back in and finally got the bezel screwed on (I could have used 3 hands...) I then found that the knob and shaft would not stay in the switch! #&@#^$#!
I pulled the bezel, yanked the switch out, and found the knob and shaft went in and secured fine. #&@#^$#!#&@#^$#! I pulled the knob and shaft, I fought the little #&@#^$#! back in there and secured it. #&@#^$#! shaft still would not stay in again!!
#&@#^$#!#&@#^$#!#&@#^$#!#!#&@#^$#!#&@#^$#!
I ripped the thing out again and forcefully pulled the knob off of shaft. Pushed shaft in switch - shaft stayed in switch. Crammed switch back in and secured it. Shaft stayed in. Pushed knob on shaft and surprisingly, it all stayed together and it even worked right this morning! What the heck is up with all that?! I guess the Ford Gods are against me.
Geez...
"In Olds I Trust..."

Have a auto repair rant?? Olds or not, feel free to add it in!!

[Eric Anderson]

Hey Rob, why would you want to change the cluster you rigged up? Looks pretty sweet Seriously I hear ya' when it comes to messing around with anything in the dash area you know alot of cussing will follow.

[Jamesbo]

Have you thought of using your dying skills to get the cardboard the right color.

Seriously, Harbor Freight sells a plastic welder. I've never used one but they come with plastic rods of different kinds of plastic. Problem is ya gots to know one plastic from another.

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Jamesbo

Have you thought of using your dying skills to get the cardboard the right color.

Seriously, Harbor Freight sells a plastic welder. I've never used one but they come with plastic rods of different kinds of plastic. Problem is ya gots to know one plastic from another.

Rattle can black will be easy - no skills required.
I may upgrade that cardboard for a chunk of 2" thick firm packing foam. I am thinking if I can use 1" of the plastic-like foam on back of that cluster.

Weld that crumbly stuff? It would be like frosting a 1/8" thick cookie... I remember mom making us do that when we were kids. It was a mess, to say the least. The slightest touch breaks 'em.
The most I could do with the plastic welder would be to melt down enough of the plastic rods to completely remold a new cover...

I heard of one guy coating his with PVC cement, but his cover was intact. I might get a can and see what i can do. Perhaps I can glue mine back together and then coat the whole thing. At the least I can get high on the fumes...

I wonder if I can piece it together with POR15 and Dynamat??

[Jamesbo]

Rob,

I line the cheapo 69 H/O shorty consol with fiberglass from one of those kits. Worked like a charm, but I dunno

[citcapp]

Makes you wonder who in their right mind thinks these things up. The gauge cluster is F*%$ked up for sure. Might be better of with a Custom gauge dash just like a hot rod. Piece of Aluminum stock and after market gauges.

I have owned my 57 Olds for 10 years now and still do not have the vaccum hoses connected correctly at the heater and vent controls. Can't get my big fat hands and head in there at the same time. Head doesn't fit at all and only one hand at a time. The controls do not come out without removing the whole dash cluster then the hoses are to short to hook up. Maybe someday I will have it working ha ha. For now I prop the heater and defroster doors open with popcicle sticks what a pain.

[OLD SKL 69]

Might be better of with a Custom gauge dash just like a hot rod. Piece of Aluminum stock and after market gauges.

x2

I don't know what type of Ford it is or if you want to keep it stock but I agree with citicapp. Of course, you would have to fit this project in with the rest! Hmmm, maybe the foam idea isn't so bad after all.

BTW, when I got my Olds, almost none of the lights or gauges were working so I had to take it completely apart. It had to be the most difficult dash I ever worked on so I know what you mean about things being inaccessible.

The only headlight switch that I ever changed that was easy as pie was the one on my 85 Riviera. The front just popped off of the dash, a couple of screws, 15 minutes and I was done. Never had to get under the dash to deal with it.

[Bluevista]

Two words... Dyna Mite.
With enough duct tape you can fix anything but I don't know if they have that much available even in Texas.

Lady keeps giving it the evil-eye and the poor things just crumbling away.

You know how they look at you.

[Jamesbo]

Originally Posted by Bluevista

With enough duct tape you can fix anything but I don't know if they have that much available even in Texas.

X 2

If it moves and it's not spose to use Duct tape

If it's spose to move and doesn't use WD 40

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by OLD SKL 69

x2
Hmmm, maybe the foam idea isn't so bad after all.

The only headlight switch that I ever changed that was easy as pie was the one on my 85 Riviera. The front just popped off of the dash, a couple of screws, 15 minutes and I was done. Never had to get under the dash to deal with it.

My objective is to have it look stock with a minimal of effort. This is a rough daily driver, so not much time to devote to it. It will definetely be cheap! The foam or fibreglass may be used - I need to carefully disect it to find out. If all I lose are dash lights, then formed aluminum may be the way i go. I am used to not having the dash lights... I have lotso scrap...

Glad one car exists with an easy-change HL switch! You were blessed by Buick...

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Bluevista

With enough duct tape you can fix anything but I don't know if they have that much available even in Texas.
Lady keeps giving it the evil-eye and the poor things just crumbling away.

I have a whole roll of duct tape - it COULD actually work. Duct tape here is very high demand, so it is a bit hard to find.
I will know more when I pull the cluster apart, if the plastic does not crumble more. Luckily, that seems to be the only crumbling part of that car. The crumbled weatherstrip is being replaced.
Murphy's law of mechanical assemblies: "What does not come apart, falls apart."

Lady seems a bit blind to all that is parked outside on the side... She took over the garage the second day she was there... The '86 seems to feel a bit neglected though...

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Jamesbo

If it moves and it's not spose to use Duct tape
If it's spose to move and doesn't use WD 40

The two rules of electrical circuits:
If it is shorted, open it.
It it is open, short it!

[csstrux]

Originally Posted by citcapp

Makes you wonder who in their right mind thinks these things up. The gauge cluster is F*%$ked up for sure. Might be better of with a Custom gauge dash just like a hot rod. Piece of Aluminum stock and after market gauges.

X2

[citcapp]

There is a third electrical rule. It applies mostly to starters, generators, altenators or any box that contains electrical gagets. Do not I repeat DO NOT let the smoke out or the item will cease to function

[Bluevista]

The fourth electrical rule is never believe your brother when he tells you the breakers are all off and it's okay to cut the wire.

[Lady72nRob71]

Wow - I forgot about all of these other electrical rules, especially the one on the "magic smoke". I always thought that was the genie coming out of them that would make the part work again...

I guess a fifth rule would be "if the plug fits, make d--- sure it is supposed to be there!"
Anyone ever plugged a two prong headlight into a 120 socket? When i was 7 or 8 years old, I quickly learned that they DO blow up... I had glass shot 13 feet across the room.

The Ford has been put off a while, as Lady's quarter panels came in yesterday - I was out there until after 9... At least things are going well for her!

[Jamesbo]

Originally Posted by Lady72nRob71

Anyone ever plugged a two prong headlight into a 120 socket?

No but as a kid, we took apart a 55 Olds and put the radiator fan on an electic heater blower motor. It flew pretty well across the room until it ran out of wire. Glad it wasn't my mom's plaster wall that got chewed up.

It's the first time I ever took a Olds body off of a frame using stacked up bricks and a jack. Glad I lived through it.

[Eric Anderson]

Originally Posted by Jamesbo

It's the FIRST time I ever took a Olds body off of a frame using stacked up bricks and a jack. Glad I lived through it.

The first time? How many times did you do it?

[Oldsguy]

Originally Posted by citcapp

There is a third electrical rule. It applies mostly to starters, generators, altenators or any box that contains electrical gagets. Do not I repeat DO NOT let the smoke out or the item will cease to function

That's funny! There is a guy at work that does that all the time. Whenever we smell ozone or burnt electrical components we ask "What has John Viets done now?".

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Oldsguy

That's funny! There is a guy at work that does that all the time. Whenever we smell ozone or burnt electrical components we ask "What has John Viets done now?".

Happens in our lab at work on a routine basis... We once had DC-DC power modules that could actually be put in the test fixture backwards...
It happened so frequently that everytime were heard the infamous SNAP! we would all chant "pop goes the module"...

I suppose the funniest story i heard was from a buddy of mine named Mark who used to repair military "portable radios" - you know the 100 lb units on carts...
He was troubleshooting one that had a power supply short and he could not find out where it was. At that time, the CEO of his company was leading a tour of a new customer. About the time the tour was right behind him, he left the power on too long and a big electrolytic "soup can" capacitor blew up, sending its case through the ceiling tile and showered sparks and shredded paper all over. Mark said that CEO really tried to divert the attention from his awe-struck visitors but failed. At least Mark found that troublesome short and opened it too!!

Murphy's law of short circuits: "They usually open on their own, given enough time, although a bit destructively."

[Jamesbo]

Originally Posted by Eric Anderson

The first time? How many times did you do it?

Only once.

"There but by the grace of God go I."- John Bradford

[citcapp]

When I was a kid (10-11 years old) there was a guy at the local Flying A station who was always working on his car when the boss wasn't around. He used four bumper jacks to raise the car up to pull the tranny. The boss found what was left of him early the next morning. Put that picture in your mind scary isn't it.

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by citcapp

He used four bumper jacks to raise the car up to pull the tranny. The boss found what was left of him early the next morning. Put that picture in your mind scary isn't it.

I am uncomfortable using ONE bumper jack to change a tire, let alone four to pull a tranny!
Poor guy... He did it into himself though...

[lshlsh2]

My Favorite:

If it jams force it If it breaks it needed replacing anyway.

[Eric Anderson]

Originally Posted by lshlsh2

My Favorite:

If it jams force it If it breaks it needed replacing anyway.

That kind of gos with " if at first you don't succeed get a bigger hammer "

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Eric Anderson

That kind of gos with " if at first you don't succeed get a bigger hammer "

And as soon as you DO succeed with the bigger hammer, you will soon find that the part you just mangled has not been in production for 20 years or more and is available nowhere at any cost (like my stupid dash cluster cover...)

[Bluevista]

My buddy blew up the whole gas station when he dropped a trouble light changing the gas tank in a '66 T-bird. His boss backed a car off the lift through the door.
I had it easy, I just got robbed all the time when I worked at the gas station.

[Eric Anderson]

Originally Posted by Bluevista

I had it easy, I just got robbed all the time when I worked at the gas station.

Did the perpetrator look anything like this guy?

[Bluevista]

There were several but I would remember that dude if he was one of them.
You never look at them during negotiations but he is a little different, I just kept an eye on their guns.
Those guys were crafty, stoled the tires off the upper storage racks when my idiot co-worker let some sit in their deuce and a quarter when the oil was being changed. How they fit all those tires in that car without anybody noticing and drove away is beyond me. Stoled the cigarette machine out from right under our noses when we were pumping gas..
Killer dogs and shotguns were my next jobs security system.
Shell casings would fly out of the mower when I cut the tiny lawn, forensics would have a hell of a time finding them.
Totally normal to find some drug dealer or one of their customers dead bodies on the sidewalk when I opened up on sunday mornings.
The cops didn't care, we would just get big sticks and push the bodies to the curb for the trash pick-up.

[Jamesbo]

Originally Posted by Bluevista

I had it easy, I just got robbed all the time when I worked at the gas station.

I take it you did not see the humor in Rob's and my knock knock joke in the "Growing up in the 60's thread."

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Jamesbo

I take it you did not see the humor in Rob's and my knock knock joke in the "Growing up in the 60's thread."

Allan -
Knock, knock...

[KeithA0000]

Originally Posted by Jamesbo

X 2

If it moves and it's not spose to use Duct tape

If it's spose to move and doesn't use WD 40

Words to live by, brother!!

[Bluevista]

Originally Posted by Lady72nRob71

Allan -
Knock, knock...

Uh-Oh...I must have missed that joke.

This could get ugly...

Okay... here goes....Who's there?

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Bluevista

Okay... here goes....Who's there?

Rob...

[wolfman98]

Originally Posted by citcapp

Makes you wonder who in their right mind thinks these things up. The gauge cluster is F*%$ked up for sure. Might be better of with a Custom gauge dash just like a hot rod. Piece of Aluminum stock and after market gauges.

I have owned my 57 Olds for 10 years now and still do not have the vaccum hoses connected correctly at the heater and vent controls. Can't get my big fat hands and head in there at the same time. Head doesn't fit at all and only one hand at a time. The controls do not come out without removing the whole dash cluster then the hoses are to short to hook up. Maybe someday I will have it working ha ha. For now I prop the heater and defroster doors open with popcicle sticks what a pain.

I always had that problem and finally taught myself to work up behind the dash using a little mirror with alligator clamps. It is a little tricky learning to loosen screws the right way.... or should that be the wrong way

[Bluevista]

Originally Posted by Lady72nRob71

Rob...

Rob who?

[wolfman98]

I remember the one on my dad's model "A" a toggle switch through a steel dash. On ... off ...on ...offf. I guess considering it still worked after 75 years that was not viable.

[gearheads78]

The following is a made up scenerio and has never happend to anyone I know.


There are 4 bolts that hold a ujoint to a rear end. If you are ever in a situation where you tighten 3 and get to the 4th nut and you feel it strip do not do the following even though you have been saving for a 9" rear and waiting 6 months to have you car on the road.

Self: "there are 3 good bolts holding it will be OK you cruise around a little"
Self: "it's 3AM we've been cruising all night it should be OK to get on the deserted toll way and get on it just once"
Self: "That 406 you built feels strong go ahead and hit 2nd"
Self: " This thing screams run it up through 3rd"
5 seconds later Self: "thats an awful lot of noise comming out from under the car and look at the pretty sparks light up the sky.

The next day Self: STUPID STUPID STUPID that 30cent bolt cost you a transmission, driveshaft, and complete exhaust system.

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by gearheads78

The following is a made up scenerio and has never happend to anyone I know.

Glad to hear that! That would be a complete bummer it it was real.
But wait - it seems so accurately described....
Hmmm......

[Lady72nRob71]

Originally Posted by Bluevista

Rob who?

YOU!!

GIMME YOUR MONEY NOW AND NOONE GETS HURT!!! HURRY UP!!!

<two 44's drawn and firing into the ground like Yosemite Sam's>

WHAT? ONLY 20 BUCKS???? WELL GIMME ALL THOSE NOS OLDS CRUISE PARTS YOU BEEN HOARDIN'!! HA, HA, HA!!!

<two 44's drawn and firing randomly>

THE COPPERS WILL NEVER GIT ME, YA HEAR????

<me running away with your cash and a box of parts, one gun still shooting into the air>

You have just been ROBbed.

I get away with some booze money and a bunch of NOS Olds cruise parts. You did not lose much cash, but gained much more storage space in your garage...

Sadly, you trudge off to the bank to replace your lost lunch money... When you get there, every cop car in the city is there, along with
an armored car. Inside is your box of parts.
You ask the armored car driver what happened and he said:

"Well, we were delivering gold bricks to the bank and this guy walks up with that box of parts and started a "knock, knock" joke...
He then started shooting wildly and made off with just one gold brick. The strangest part was that he was yellin' "This will do me 120 much easier! Ha, ha, ha! Thank you suckers!" We have yet to figure out what that was all about..."

It looks like Allan had a happy ending, as he eventually got his parts back. I has happy also because that 29lb gold brick was just the weight I needed in a compact size!

-Fortunately, I refrain from doing these stories at the childrens' parties...
After about 3 beers, they get even a bit more interesting...