To all pet owners
January 19th, 2011, 07:46 AM
#1
Moderator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 17,614
To all pet owners
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize the space that you are taking up is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the **** or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize the space that you are taking up is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the **** or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children!
January 19th, 2011, 11:37 AM
#4
Past Administrator
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Rural Waxahachie Texas
Posts: 10,010
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
...........when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the words without lies or deceit,
If you can conquer tension without mediacl aid,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the need of drugs,
If you can admit to doing all of these things.....................
...You are probably the family dog!
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
...........when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the words without lies or deceit,
If you can conquer tension without mediacl aid,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the need of drugs,
If you can admit to doing all of these things.....................
...You are probably the family dog!
January 20th, 2011, 08:39 PM
#9
Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: brookfield, ill
Posts: 450
Beautiful!
The 1 about the bed brings back a great memory. I worked midnight shift, wife worked days. Dog(1/2 collie,1/2 ger. shep)would sleep under the bed when I was at work, wife sleeping. She goes to work, I go to bed. 1 afternoon, throw my arm over my "wifes" chest. Something feels wrong
Open my eyes, there she is(the dog) just staring at me "What are you doing up here?!", right after she gives me a big "morning" kiss. Nothing but legs spinning and sheets flying!
The 1 about the bed brings back a great memory. I worked midnight shift, wife worked days. Dog(1/2 collie,1/2 ger. shep)would sleep under the bed when I was at work, wife sleeping. She goes to work, I go to bed. 1 afternoon, throw my arm over my "wifes" chest. Something feels wrong Open my eyes, there she is(the dog) just staring at me "What are you doing up here?!", right after she gives me a big "morning" kiss. Nothing but legs spinning and sheets flying!
January 21st, 2011, 11:32 PM
#10
...should get a life....
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Orangeville, NSW, Australia
Posts: 717
Bullies are more than dogs,..they're buddies. My bloke is never more than a couple of feet away from me...which can be a nuisance sometimes.
You'll have to get another dog....and soon. We have 3 dogs and they're not allowed inside.. It'd be like that scene from National Lampoons Xmas with the Rottweiler and the squirrel in Griswald's house.
Dogs.jpg?t=1295681428
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January 24th, 2011, 10:24 AM
#12
For us this would apply to our cat. She is like the worst two year old I have ever seen. I tried to talk my wife into getting a dog, she said no way. So....she picked out the cat an orange and white tabby, and named her Amber. I gave her the middle name of Lynn. Amber Lynn just happens to be an adult movie star....(my wife does not know this) SO when Jennifer gets mad at the cat she says AMBER LYNN! Get off of the whatever...I just laugh to myself and hope she never figures this one out.
January 24th, 2011, 11:33 AM
#13
Old(s) Fart
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 47,301
I WISH it were possible to buy a bed larger than king size. Our two dogs (silkie terrier and jack-ish russel) both expand to at least twice their original size once they fall asleep on the bed.
January 24th, 2011, 07:35 PM
#14
We have a 2 month old kitten with more energy than a Saturn V rocket. This means 5am wake up with your feet being sliced to ribbons simply b/c they moved and enticed the cat to destroy. My hands, feet, and forearms look like they've been through razor wire. But we love the little guy 
January 24th, 2011, 09:05 PM
#15
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Korat, Thailand
Posts: 360
Pets are great. They become one of the family. Hardest thing I have ever had to do was put our girl to sleep after 15 years. Her quality of health was so poor and keeping her around was selfish on my part. Here is a pix of her after a hard day. Her favorite thing to do was to take a ride, sit in the passenger seat and put her head out the window. The faster we go the better. She also loved to ride on the bow of our ski boat even though she hated water. She just loved to go fast.
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