some daily humor
January 29th, 2017, 12:34 PM
#1
Registered User
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Red Oak, Texas
Posts: 2,960
some daily humor
OLD PERSON PRIDE
Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old People remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy, and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50-plus Peace-keeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam.
If you bump into an Old Person on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Person on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.
It's Old People who remove their hats while eating in a restaurant in respect for the ladies and guests.
It's the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.
This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country, and decent values.
We need them now more than ever.
Thank God for Old People.
Pass this on to all of the "Old People" you know.
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO
Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs.
I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had.. an elephant?
So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(Now I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old People remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy, and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50-plus Peace-keeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam.
If you bump into an Old Person on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Person on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.
It's Old People who remove their hats while eating in a restaurant in respect for the ladies and guests.
It's the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.
This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country, and decent values.
We need them now more than ever.
Thank God for Old People.
Pass this on to all of the "Old People" you know.
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO
Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs.
I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had.. an elephant?
So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(Now I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Last edited by edzolz; January 29th, 2017 at 12:37 PM. Reason: added text
February 2nd, 2017, 08:58 PM
#10
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Delta, BC
Posts: 1,067
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
